Intimacy issues – 15 years…. lots of sex, but boring, uninspired, motionless, uneventful.

My wife and I have been married for over 15 years. While our marriage is generally loving and fun, our intimate life has been a consistent challenge. Here’s a brief overview:

* We can have sex multiple times per week, but it’s usually a quick 3-4 minute session because she wants it to be over quickly as possible. Basically it’s clothes off, “hurry up so I can sleep!”
* She is uninterested during the act, appearing tired and motionless, twiddling hands.
* Foreplay has been absent for years, and she’s not interested in reintroducing it. She says too tired, not interested, kids are older and could be up, needs to sleep. She used to give the odd blowjob for example, that hasn’t happened in YEARS. She won’t let me go down on her for years, or try rubbing her clit during sex to see if that helps, try to warm her up. She says she hates her breasts being touched. She certainly won’t touch herself.
* She’s expressed that she rarely feels “turned on” or desires sex.
* She’s mentioned that she has never masturbated and doesn’t get much from most intimate acts.I tried buying her toys once. She said she tried one, once, but the real thing was better. It sat in a drawer for two years before I tossed.
* There used to be some effort/lingerie.. That also hasn’t been existent in years.
* On the rare occasions we get away with out the kids, our sex is fun and notably better, but these moments are few and far between. I’ve seen her orgasm and beg for more.She said the other day she feels “nothing” in certain positions. Again, the faster/the better and get it done.
* THere’s zero spontaneity to it and I can’t recall any times she has ever engaged. She hates to cuddle, be touched in bed, or when I try and initiate outside the normal “quickie”I have a high libido and would be open to being intimate daily, but the current dynamic has conditioned me to finish quickly
* I am not “small.” From a penis perspective, I’d be on the upper end of average or the lower end of larger. I do think I know how to use it when given the chance!
* We’re both in our 40s, fit, and attractive. We exercise regularly and overall have a great/fun relationship. I’ve tried various ways to enhance our intimacy, but she’s often not receptive. I’ve attempted to communicate about this issue, but she’s not interested in discussing it.
* She does take some anti-depressants and have some issues she deals with.I’m at a loss and would appreciate any advice or insights from those who may have faced similar challenges. Sure a quickie every other night is great, but its not ideal.
* I want to have foreplay. I want to spoil her and get her to finish. I would love to give her multiple orgasms and have her enjoy having sex and when we are able to do it. It would be amazing for her to initiate and “want” it.