My (39F) husband (40M) admitted to me that he never found his ex-girlfriend attractive, yet he dated her for 2 years. We’ve been together a total of 8 years, married for 5.
Our marriage has been quite challenging since day 1 for a variety of issues that I won’t get into. For the past 4 years or so we’ve had a completely dead bedroom and sexless marriage. We were living like roommates who co-parent their baby son. Turns out my husband was using porn as a replacement for intimacy with me. I caught him masturbating to 2 porn videos at the same time, and this set me down a path of discovery. I found his Only Fans account along with porn images that he was downloading/favoriting along with YouTube searches of girls doing random things like playing the guitar. His Instagram was full of cosplay girls. The list goes on.
I asked my husband why he was doing this and he said sex with me was a futile effort so he turned to porn. But then he admitted that he used porn in previous relationships and has been using since he was 12.
I asked him for a divorce, and to my surprise he doesn’t want one. He’s been making efforts to change (like deleting his social medias, deleted his Only Fans account etc). I honestly think he never found me attractive and that’s why he turned to porn instead of coming to me. I mean, he did say he has dated women before that he never found attractive.
My husband says he does find me attractive. I honestly don’t believe him at all. I want to add that he has a wandering eye, and he constantly stares at other woman everywhere we go. I would call him out, and he would deny it, and call me crazy. Now he’s escalating his behavior, and he’s hitting on other women too whether I am there or not.
I’m just waiting on him to cheat on me at this point. Why in the world would he act this way if he truly is attracted to me? I don’t understand it. Can someone explain please?
2 comments
**Please do not delete your submission.**
Your submission has been flagged for moderator review. Please be patient. If you do not see your post published within 48 hours the moderators have decided to not publish it.
If/when your thread is approved and it runs its course, instead of deleting it, **you can simply type “!lock” (without the quotes) as a comment anywhere in your thread to have our Automod lock the thread**. That way you won’t be bothered by anymore replies on it, but people can still read it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenOver30) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When he says sex with you is a futile effort, what does that mean? It sounds to me like the dead bedroom is you engaging with him and him rejecting you – is that not the case?
Masturbating to 2 porn videos at once seems like an unusual behavior to me – not crazy or anything but definitely like he needs a tremendous amount of mental stimulation.