Without going into detail, I feel like I’ve damaged a lot of my friendships from the past. I already didn’t have a lot of friends due to being really shy, but once I got to high school I really had a chip on my shoulder and went a little overboard with trying to come off bitchy so people wouldn’t mess with me but now I really regret it. This was mostly due to being heavily bullied in elementary/ middle school. In college and even through my early 20’s I embarrassed myself on multiple occasions due to alcohol and not being in a good place mentally, being insecure, etc.

I have some friends but I feel like they don’t really like me that much. I just want to see if anyone has been in the same boat and overcome this kind of struggle with being a bit defensive and having a past of being a not nice person or obnoxious.

Social settings give me a lot of anxiety now and it’s just pretty exhausting trying to meet everyone’s energy. Everyone seems so nice and easy to like and I just feel like I’m the opposite.

19 comments

  1. Yeah… Apparently way easier than most too. It’s because of the sport I do. It’s a niche sport and I’ve doing it forever. Moved to a new city 3 years, found a place to train and made friends and unlikely ones too. My one friend I hang out with most lately is 22…I’m 39.

    So find a hobby and find other people that do that hobby. You have to really like it though. You can’t fake that shit.

  3. Yes, but we went through an awful situation together and have been firm friends ever since.

  5. I never had any stable friendships or relationships due to frequently moving from place to place when I was young. Then, when I was finally able to settle somewhere, I realized I lacked the skills to socialize or relate with any of the groups I’d been with.

    ​

    Some advice I have heard is to focus mainly on myself and the friends who wish to stay with me and support me are worth keeping.

  6. I will always say this whenever someone asks this question: 2 years ago (I was 34), I was introduced to the world of axe throwing. My friend invited me to play with him in a league and I fell in love with it. I made a lot of friends through that and 1 or 2 of them are in my wedding next year.

  7. I have made plenty of friends as an adult. Ironically I wasn’t particularly good at making friends as a schoolkid, it wasn’t until my adult years that I really got the hang of it and understood what exactly goes in to making great friends.

    It sounds to me like you could benefit from becoming a more fun person, both to YOURSELF and to other people. Here’s something I wrote on doing that. There are a lot of tips, see if any of them resonate with you:

    ###[Fun 101: Intro To Life As A FUN Person](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/15xj7g8/fun_101_intro_to_life_as_a_fun_person/)

  11. You’ve pretty much described my life. I’m also in my 30s and socially inept. In a work setting I’ve been described as a ball of sunshine and within the same group others have described me as “she just comes in, does her job and leaves” im either disliked or loved, not many in-betweens. My only friends in life are older women that absolutely love me but I just can’t relate to and men that want to have sex with me that I couldn’t careless about. My entire life I’ve longed to have that “4 gal pals, sex and the city” friendship and I’ll hold out forever for it 😂 im doing my best to not be bitter and I hope that you are able to make it through the clouds as well ❤️

  12. I (37F) agree with everyone here saying, “find your niche.” A few years back, I decided to find some new, adult friends and joined lots of meetups to do so. Download the meetup app and start looking based on your interests. While some of the groups I joined no longer exist or I left them because they weren’t a match for me, I found 3 phenomenal women that are solid friends to this day. We literally went on a weekend girls trip to FL 3 weeks ago and are planning an international trip for next July. You don’t need a lot of friends, but if you want any, you have to be intentional and proactive in finding them.

  14. Yes!! Of course ☺️ just think about it from this point; the people who you’ll meet now. They’ll get to know THIS version of you. The reflected, more collected, more empathetic and more caring version. So so am sure the relationships you’ll form from now on, will be the best you ever had!

  15. Yesss! All the time! You can have levels of friendship and let life do it’s thing.
    Humans are complex and everybody is the villan in someone’s story just don’t take shitty things personal. When someone hurts you is more be often than not talking about their own insecurities.

    I try hard to remain childish in that sense and try to stay open to conection with others.

  16. I see a lot of similarities in your story and mine. I also didn’t make any friends in college and was in a really bad place in that time. For the first time in my life at 30, I finally have a group of friends. The biggest thing I can say is to approach interactions through a more positive lens. Instead of assuming this person would not want to be my friend, I go in thinking the opposite. Maybe this person does want to be my friend. I also try and actually ask people to do things instead of just assuming no one would want to hang out with me and waiting for people to initiate plans. It just takes more effort but once you get the ball rolling, it’s pretty easy!

  18. Yes. But I was in a situation where I’m basically in school until I’m in my 30’s … lol

  19. Jesus had 11 loyal friends in his 30s the biggest miracle no one talks about. It takes a lot of effort to find good friends but makes sure it’s not all one sided effort and learning your/their values and etc. Like dating but not for the romantic part and more go with the flow

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