I’ve been alone for such a long time and it’s eating away at me.
What are things to ease me into making friends?
I get a terrifying feeling every time I’m near groups of people. Like a loss of control over anything where I feel like a punching bag and the only way I’ve ever been able to deal with it was bail.
For example I’ve been at my current job for 4 years. It took me three years of becoming comfortable with my coworkers, and complaining to HR when they bullied me repeatedly, to feel any form of comfort around groups of people. 3 years to get that “I don’t give a fuck what you think” attitude, and that’s in a super controlled environment.
There’s absolutely nothing I can think of that comes close and I’m worried that exposing myself to new things will set me back, and I’m struggling to weigh the benefits of doing so over just accepting loneliness and I want neither.