Breakup was 5 days ago and extremely unexpected. I was practically being love-bombed literally one day before. Tons of “I miss you” and “when we’re married can we ___” and “please don’t breakup with me” and then she cut things off.
Fast forward to today, she is BEGGING to be friends again. Suddenly texted me pretty frequently, wants to meet for lunch Saturday, discuss how we can remain friends.
I would love to remain friends, but I’m still extremely attached and I’m afraid she is too. She said she misses the making out. I do too.
I was her first real boyfriend and she doesn’t really understand that you can’t breakup for small reasons like she did. I’m worried she wants to get back together and I don’t want to date her again until she is a little more emotionally mature, but I’m also afraid that I’ll break. Im very obviously being breadcrumbed.
What do I say at lunch Saturday? I was planning on asking how she envisions our future as friends, whether she still has romantic feelings, and why she wants to be friends again.
TLDR: girlfriend broke up 5 days ago and wants to meet for lunch Saturday. I’m afraid to get back together with her. What do I say/ask and how do I interpret answers?
4 comments
Start from the reality that’s impossible to go from romance to platonic friends in just five days. So you might ask her if she’s considering a reconciliation, as that would be the only reason to meet her for lunch. If that’s not what she wants then you should probably tell her that you need some time to recover from the breakup before you can attempt a friendship. It’s only human to need some distance to reorient your feelings.
Stop talking to her
I would cancel Saturday. “Hey, I know you want to hang out and be friends but I’m not ready for that yet. I need some space to process our relationship ending. I’m going to stop contacting you for a while”. Cutting contact is the only way to avoid staying stuck in this confusing cycle of feelings and breaking up and getting back together.
Buy a ring put it on your finger. If she ask for it, just say you are no available anymore and just continue with the conversation. If she really wants to be only a friend, she will not make a fuss about it. but if she really wants to get back you will see her either overreact or just get a little sad. Either way, it may stop her from being more than friends.