Hi all, I’m in a profession where narcissism is very common. For that reason, I mostly avoid my “work friends”. They’re selfish, bitchy, mean, talk negative things about me behind my back and get very happy when bad things happen to me. I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping my distance of late but I can’t figure out how to deal with them in the workspace. If I straight up ignore they’ll say “hey, why is he giving me the silent treatment ” but if I’m nice and polite and helpful it’s only a matter of time before the nastiness begins again. I offered my friend a glass of water and he said “if you had done this for that guy, you wouldn’t have failed that interview “. How do I deal with people like this? Keep them at a distance and make them understand that I don’t want to be bothered by them at all. Confrontation is not an option btw, especially at the workplace.
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If they want to know why I’m giving them the silent treatment I’d tell them it’s because I can’t stand them and I’m only ever wishing they’d go away.
I don’t work to make friends. I work to make money. I don’t confuse colleagues for friends and I tend to avoid colleagues as friends.
Find a new line of work. (This sounds like a horrifying nightmare, tbh.)
You have 3 options with narcissistic people. Confrontation, grey rock, or leave. You’re choosing grey rock and still getting your emotions manipulated by them. What they’re doing is completely text book in passive aggressive manipulation. You’re always in the wrong and they’re always holding their hands up like they’ve done nothing. They are being snide.
I’ve tried all the options. The best is just being assertive. A mix of all three options really.
You’ll feel dumb if you get angry, they’ll say you’re weird if you grey rock (and technically you are being odd), and you can’t leave as it’s your job (obv you should leave the workplace if you can, it’s toxic). So you assertively make statements about their behaviour without raising your voice. Ask them why they are saying that. Ask them why they are doing this. Don’t play their game with them. Ask them about what they are doing and make sure it’s in front of other people because all they care about is their reputation. And do it CALMLY.
I treat all work collegues the same if i dont like them: mostly only write mails, no smalltalk / personal stuff. If they dont like me i am okay with it.
Problem is when you kinda need to like them for some reason. Maybe you need to work close, or you are their superviser or vice versa. Maybe some charming words are beneficial sometimes.
But for sure i dont hang out and become friends with people i dont like.
Narcissists aren’t your friends. These people are coworkers.
Don’t be their friend is the most foolproof way
I’d be fascinated to hear the industry that attracts theses folks, if you can share it without giving away personal information.
What you’re describing is work colleagues, not friends and also, a bit of rudeness/nastiness, not narcissism