(25F) obviously i don’t judged the traumatised/abused people as I surviver myself but I noticed 2 important things
1-the common factor between all my toxic exes/dates are that they didn’t work through their trauma and even tho only some of them that admitted experiencing family abuse or substance abuse parent, but even those who didn’t show’s aggressiveness of unhealed person.
2-healing my childhood trauma (and still working on it) completely changed my life,I don’t understand how but i was able to be sober after 3 years of substance abuse but i did! I have much better understanding to my feelings and thoughts more than ever and tho im still struggling with my energy and daily mental battery but its better than ever!!
And i feel such a nice loving energy around my friends who have a nice family and would love to experience that with a lover.
5 comments
you’ve own experience and assessment capability
add: friends & family, and get their take.
amateurs can often spot deficiencies of this character more readily than you might imagine imo
You find out by going on a date with them
You ask about their relatives on the first date
How they think of women and how they communicate when they are in disagreement with you are huge factors. Also how they currently have a relationship with their mom, but usually you can’t find that out right away
Also I’ve noticed men who have sisters are generally better with women and dehumanize them less
I would say it comes down to how they have their relation with family and friends. Also by talking and asking the right question about their view of things can be a hint.
Even people who comes from healthy family can sometimes have trauma they haven’t work through but spend time. Learn to get to know them and you can find those who are struggling.
When I met my boyfriends friends they would all tell me how kind he is and they hoped I wouldn’t break his heart. In our relationship I’m the one with trauma but I have worked on it but somethings are still instinctive for me that makes me more jumpy.