Hey guys, this may be a common question, but I’ve been on two dates with this person, and they’re great! We have plans for a third, but things are a bit tight.

I’ve paid each date, and while they’re not overly expensive, we just have such a good time we get lost in drinks and food.

How do I tell my date if we can go 50/50 I would appreciate it without killing the vibe? I don’t think it would, but just a bit nervous broaching the subject

41 comments

  1. Let her know this, communicate it. If she’s weird about it, then move on. The economy is literally in the garbage right now, this is not something only you are experiencing.

    -Dave

  2. Just tell her. If she has a negative response, then that is very good information to have, and probably means she’s not the right fit.

  3. 1. Tell her
    2. Think of free dates
    3. Suggest an activity that is super low cost like, going on a gym date, or a picnic.

    I’m female for context and 90% of the time I was dating, I was paying for everything because guys would say they have no money or things are tight. While I understand that the US economy is crap, I expect effort. Effort does not equate to paying for expensive dates. Do not sign up for a date where YOU asked her out and then ask HER to pay for both. That’s gonna end bad

  6. Be honest and lead with the important part: “I’ve had such an amazing time the last two dates, and I can’t wait to see you again, but money’s a little tight right now. Is it okay if we just (insert thing you can comfortably afford right now no matter how small it is)? I just want to see you.” See if she’s okay with doing the minor thing (hotdogs from a vendor and a walk at the park or whatever) or if she says “no worries you paid the other times, I’ve got this one, let’s go to (x) and it’s on me!”

  7. My BF liked to go out to eat more than I did. So he paid. I tipped. Then I bought groceries and cooked.
    Take turns, offer to cook for her. Then she should offer to cook for you.

  8. Look online for inexpensive date ideas and plan them properly ahead of time. Keep it to one date per week for a few weeks. Remember that the woman should offer to pay every 3rd or 4th date to prove she is not just with the guy for free meals.

    If she calls you to ask for a date sooner than your ‘once a week ‘ plan, reply “Eh… It’s not really in my budget right now.” That’s her opportunity to offer to pay or wait for the next date.

  9. Learn how to cook bro. I’m telling you, it’s a gamechanger!

    Once you learn to cook good meals, you can cook for dinner dates and picnics. Saves you loads of money (ingredients usually cost less than a restaurant meal) and you’ll impress whatever woman you date. You will be showcasing a very useful and needed skill.

    Imagine setting up a date where you two bond over a delicious, nourishing meal made by your’s truly…If the food is good, she will praise your cooking, which immediately highlights a quality about you that will enhance her impression of you. She may not remember everything you say but she will definitely remember the way you made her feel. It’s hard to forget good tasting food.

    Learn some recipes, experiment. It sounds like a lot but it’s not hard to do. It’s fun and therapeutic. The money you save and the points you win from the ladies is worth it.

    I’m a dude and I never had a woman complain that I cook too much. 😉

    UPDATE: Someone posed the question of why the OP has to upskill just to avoid paying for meals. The OP can definitely communicate with his partner and suggest alternating who pays for dinner dates. If a few dates have passed, it’s perfectly fine. But it appears the OP, in the inside, thinks it’s not the best look for him.

    My point was that by cooking he can possibly avoid restaurant dates altogether for much cheaper. Then, dates would be less of a strain. If he still wants to split financial responsibility, he can split the ingredients list between the two of them. Perhaps go grocery shopping together. Technicially she would still be splitting the dinner bill without actually thinking of it that way. In her mind, she’s buying groceries.

    It’s a creative way to tackle the issue while making yourself appear very skillful at the same time. Look at the ladies’ comments, they love it!

  10. You are US based – US women do not GENERALLY react well to splitting bills except when they feel the man has “potential” then they will literally bankrupt themselves. Does not make sense but it is what it is. Have the conversation maybe she will be reasonable.

  11. Kind of surprised they haven’t offered, even if you absolutely refuse to let them pay the gesture would be nice…split should be no problem!
    If it is, they ain’t the one fam…

  12. Honestly I think the answer depends on what culture you’re in. Where I’m from (Rural US) it would not fly well. But there’s a *million* free things to do. Star Gazing, Fishing (if you have the license), hiking, ever follow a Bob Ross painting shit faced together? Its golden. 😂 I definitely would try to get creative, and wait awhile before spilling financial details. Like others have stated, the economy is shit. I would present it more as, let’s have a pic-nik can you grab the wine? Kinda deal. It’s not so straight forward as saying I’m financially struggling.

  13. I think asking to split 50/50 would completely ruin the vibe. But offering something freeish like a homemade dinner or picnic would definitely not ruin the vibe. Plus you can plan it together with something along the lines of I’ll make you dinner if you bring the wine or something to make it more light.

    I think making dinner on a third date is totally reasonable.

    Another option you could try is if going out to a bar you can offer to get the first round. I’d say that hints at not offering to pay for a whole date without demanding it.

    I think it’s more about the gesture than the actual money spent but I wouldn’t just straight up ask someone to split the bill BEFORE the date.

  15. Coffee and a hike, coffee and a walk, coffee and people watching at the park. I like coffee. 🤙

  16. I agree with the others who said to communicate this to your date. It’s the right thing to do.

    BUT……. the right thing can get you tossed to the curb.

    So be mentally prepared for that.

    I’ve been there, OP, where I suggested the woman split on the 4th date, and while she didn’t make a fuss over that, I noticed she wasn’t all that exuberant to go out with me anymore.

    But this was my experience. My experience doesn’t speak against all women. I’m sure there are loads of women who would take pride in paying for their own meals. But still, there is a possibility she will reject you if you let her pay.

    You can’t let her get away with this, though, and it’s better to lose her than to keep pressuring yourself to pay for every date.

    Tell her, and be prepared.

  19. Think of a cheap date. It’s fall – maybe a hike? You can buy a cheap bottle and some snacks.

  20. If you are not able to pay for every date, then don’t set a tone to begin with. Start with low effort dates like drink and hiking

    Best way is to just communicate but the woman might not like it so be prepared for that

  21. This is a great way to find out if the person you’re interested in likes a man who has the ability to be a sole provider or not.

    Either way it goes, you’ll did the one suitable for you.

  22. Do a free or low cost date.

    Hike, picnic, art gallery etc etc

    Also after paying for a few flash dates, if she doesn’t offer to pay/cook/organise a date herself I would be worried she is not a team player.

  24. Just let her know. If she likes & respects you, it won’t be an issue.

    If she offers to eat in with you or cook something together, you’re on to a winner.

  25. “Due to the fact that the Feds has hiked rates to over 7%, the House has no speaker, debt ceiling was an inch away from defaulting, our government almost shut down a few weeks ago due to a setback in spending negotiations, and current escalations in the Middle East, I would like to formally and respectfully ask you if you are down, like the economy, to split our dates 50-50, because I really had a good time with you and refuse to let our national economic dilemmas get in the way of us enjoying our wonderful time”

    You’re welcome

  26. I think it’s fine but generally early to bring that up on the 3rd date. I’d instead choose a cheaper date if that’s an issue. You don’t want her to expect that’s how it will always be if you can’t afford it.

    Also dating only gets more and more expensive the further along it gets.

  28. Don’t do whatever one else is saying about mentioning “money is tight” that makes it like you’re lacking. Even if money isn’t tight, you’ll shouldn’t be forced to foot 100% of the bill.

    I’d start suggesting cheaper dates like cooking at home or activities that don’t cost a bank or straight up say, hey why don’t we each buy a ticket to the movies or why dont we go out tonight but lets split the cost.

  29. My partner wooed me to the moon while on a very budget. We were young and he didn’t have much at the time but he would go get me grocery store flowers cheap, he didn’t talk a big game so I knew to hell out, and he would do things like for example he knew I liked to paint so he invited me over on our second date and when I went inside he had some candles lit, a red topped cactus because I also love plants, and some boxes for us to paint he got from the dollar store. He bought some paints as well. Let me tell you I had so much fun talking and getting to know him and watching stuff while painting and it took us a few times of seeing eachother to finish my box. Ontop of that he doesn’t even paint it was all for me. It was a huge gesture in my eyes because I could tell he was interested, cared about my interests, and he cooked a pretty great dinner those nights too. I mainly enjoyed that we could just sit and talk and have the best time ever. You don’t need to do anything huge or go out u can have fun on a budget at home or go on walks and stuff.

    Also he made it a point to buy me little treats here and there that he knew I liked. Cheap small stuff but he’s write me notes to wake up to w them and I felt so spoiled

  33. Paying culture is the worst thing possible for your people as it sets some standards and all-around expectations
    Never paying on a first date dont care if the bitch is Beyonce.
    Why should any of us men pay for the first dates in this century? If i pay, does it automatically make my chances bigger with a complete stranger? i talked a couple of times on the internet.
    The respectful thing would be that both sides pay for their shit and not just wait for one of them to pull out their wallet, after you get to know the person thats a all dofferent story.
    For example me and my gf are in a relationshit for 2 hf years, i make more money than her but it never hsppend that i psy for every date from the very start, 50/50 and thats what she wants to so i am thankfull.
    It’s not all about fimding an equal, someome who understands in their head and says ou this guy payed for the date the last tjme im gonna suprise him and pay the tab.
    Left my frustration in this message kinda

  34. Literally just… ask. Before going to the restaurant, ideally, so there are no surprises or mismanaged expectations. It’s not an easy conversation sure but if you can’t have this one how do you expect to have any of the other difficult conversations a relationship requires?

    And to all the men in the comments saying “dump her” after TWO DATES because OP *offered* to pay. Get a life

  35. Picnic date! Girls love this!!!! It’s like every second girls dream date.

    Take with you some premade garlic bread from the store, some strawberries, chocolate and let it melt in the sun.

    Maybe add there a small cake, sparkling water and some cheese! And voilà you got yourself a 10$ date that she’ll love

  36. DON’T LISTEN TO REDDIT PEOPLE.

    Don’t ask a woman to go 50/50, get cheaper and valuable ideas or learn to cook.

    It’s a mood killer, Realistically, it kills the vibe, after she becomes your girlfriend, she can start going 50/50, for now… you are courting her.

    It will make you look broke.

  37. I wouldn’t suggest splitting to be honest, I’d try to go on some free dates instead. Go for a walk, go hiking, cook together at home or watch a movie. This wouldn’t kill the vibe and you will have fun as well.

  38. Ask her what her favorite snacks are and take her on a picnic/ beach date. Do this instead of asking her to split 50/50.

  39. Honest take – she is incurring costs which may seem invisible and insignificant. Consider those in your assessment here.

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