Me (31) and my wife (35) have been together for 8 years, married almost 2.
The sex is great, don’t get me wrong, but when I ask or allude to something new, she’ll turn me down instantly. I’ve asked for simple things( sitting on my face, 69, anal, because her ass is great) and she’ll always say she just doesn’t want to do it. But if I talk to her or her friends do, she’ll admit she’s done all of those things with guys she was with before me.
It’s not like I force her to do anything either. She’s told me multiple times I could cum in her mouth, I say no because I know she doesn’t like it. To this day I still haven’t with her. She’s also told me she’s never let a guy finish on her face because she feels it’s degrading, so I’ve never even asked.
So am I wrong for feeling annoyed that she let other guys do stuff, but won’t let her husband?
2 comments
Maybe she did those things and didn’t like it. Maybe she feels like those are acts she shouldn’t perform as a wife. I’d say that if she’s willing to let you cum in her mouth, go for it. She might say she doesn’t like it due to societal pressures. Maybe that’s a small boundary that, once crossed, will open up new things for you both. Be patient and she might surprise you. I know my wife has.
Are you feeling annoyed or insecure that she performed acts with others she won’t with you?
-If you are feeling insecure, you should work on that and you could ask her to help you feel more secure but not by asking her to perform sexual acts to ‘equalize’ her past. But by feeling more secure in her feelings towards you and increasing your own self-confidence.
-If you are annoyed, she has been clear about her boundaries with you and is doing absolutely nothing wrong. Did she promise she would do these acts once you were married? If so, you could possibly be annoyed by a breach of a promise, but consent is something that can and should be withdrawn at any time. People evolve. People change their minds.
Your perspective on sex isn’t helping your marriage. You aren’t ‘doing something wrong’ because doing ‘something right’ doesn’t mean you ‘get’ sex acts in return. Saying things like “It’s not like I force her to do anything either” is odd. That is a basic baseline for not assaulting people. Not something that she should reward with sex acts or be thankful for and therefore be more open to exploring sexually. Do you think not pushing her means she should feel safe and therefore happy to explore? She clearly does feel safe enough to enjoy “great” sex with you. That does not equate to her wanting specific sex acts. You enjoy sex with her and feel safe, does that mean you would agree to pegging for example, or any other specific sex act? No, you probably have your own valid feelings towards that sex act outside of your feelings towards her and your joint sex life.
Respect her boundaries, let her past go, and work towards viewing sex as something you enjoy as a couple together, not something she ‘allows’ men to do to her. There is no secret to you acting in a certain way or mimicking men from her past that will magically make her want those things once more. She’s a different person from her past, in a different relationship. So are you. The quicker you accept that and focus on the current things you guys do both enjoy sexually together the better your sex life will be.