Walk Away Wife: Success Stories?

28 comments

1. I hate to say it, but you’re likely just pissing in the wind. The main problem I see is that she doesn’t seem to be articulating what problems she has with you, if any. So, there’s really not much you can fix. If she can’t articulate specific problems, and soon, then I’d argue that you’re spinning your wheels.

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3. I may be oversimplifying it because I am not in this position, but I like to think that if my wife came to me after many years of marriage and said she didn’t love me despite the huge body of evidence she had of our experiences together, how we treated each other in all types of situations, etc., I would just move on because she made her judgement and there is nothing more I can (or would want to) do to try and convince her otherwise.

4. The two general trends are either, it’s over and is ending, or she’ll pause, and then you are walking on eggshells for months/years trying to make her happy while she uses the time to be very selfish, which then leads to an eventually end with added trauma.

5. Walk away wife is traditionally understood to mean a woman who asked repeatedly for what she needed and when that never happened, she gave up. Is that true for you?

6. You’ll know by her response to counseling if the marriage can be saved.

   It’s impossible for anyone here to know.

   After a few months, assess progress. I gave myself one year. If I felt like we weren’t making progress, I’d give up.

   Fortunately, we had made much progress by then.

   The two of you need to be completely honest in counseling. You both need to be willing to figure out what the roots of your problems are, and to take steps to address them with compassion and grace.

   If after a few months, you feel like that’s not happening, well, you need to decide what to do.

   Do you have kids?

7. Every situation is obviously different, so I obviously can’t speak for your wife or your marriage. I have been in this situation for the last couple years with it coming to a head in August. My husband wasn’t meeting my needs and was expecting me to take care of everything, and I was done. I tried telling him various times, but he wouldn’t understand or take me seriously. Finally, it came to a head, and he realized just how grave the situation is. Since then, we’ve both had a lot of conversations and a lot of growth. He’s changed a lot to address the issues both in the short term and in the future. (My biggest fear initially would be that he would just make some short term changes that would vanish once things settled down.) It’s been very painful for both of us, and it’s taking time to build trust and deal with pain from the past. However, we’re on a much better path now, and we’re both optimistic for the future.

8. >We started couples counseling yesterday and it’s more of the same, she’s not sure what she wants or if she wants me or a life we could keep building together.

   This genuinely sounds like she’s over it and just checking the therapy box. I’d start building your own new life and let her go have hers.

9. Relationships can only be saved when both parties are sure that they want to stay and fight. If one partner wants to leave, the relationship is over. Don’t try to stop them if they want to leave.

   If she’s unsure, you give her the space to decide (and provide her with information and communication she asks for, if any, as she tries to figure it out), or you end it yourself if you don’t want to live in limbo.

10. By the time I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce, it was too late for any of that. It would have been pissing into the wind for him and I would have refused to participate because it would have felt like he was undermining my agency in my own life.

    He was blindsided, but he shouldn’t have been if he’d been paying attention in the several years leading up to it.

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12. You still haven’t said anything You did wrong?

    If you think 100% of the problems are her fault, then it’s doomed.

13. Reading your responses, this doesn’t sound like walk away wife syndrome at all. It sounds like your wife is depressed and her brain is trying to rewrite history. Thats what depression does, it’s an abusive mofo that tries to isolate us and eventually kill us.

14. 70% of divorce is initiated by the wife in heterosexual relationship.

    It is what it is my dude.

15. Usually when they’re walking away from one, they are walking to another.

16. Success stories for the marriage or the wife?

    I’m a walk away wife from my first marriage, and I consider it a success.

    For six years, I did everything in my power to be the best spouse possible. I tried. I really did.

    He didn’t listen or care until I left. Then he was shocked, angry, confused and willing to do absolutely anything. Then he wanted to work and listen and try. Then he loved me.

    But by then, any care, compassion or concern I had was completely gone. I wasn’t angry or upset. I wasn’t anything. I felt completely numb and neutral.

    A year after my divorce, I met and married an amazing man. We have been very happily married for more than 30 years.

    So I’m thrilled I walked away from the dude that made me feel less than for a man who adores me. It was the best decision ever.

17. Stan Tatkin’s “In Each Other’s Care” might be able to help you. My wife and I were on the brink after 29 years of marriage and discovering Stan Tatkin and his books helped us immensely. We just celebrated our 32nd anniversary.

18. I would question why you are defining success as successfully saving your marriage. If she doesn’t want to be married to you then she’s not right for you.

19. Most likely, she’s cheating on you.

20. Michelle Wiener-Davis wrote a book called “Divorce Busting.” The accompanying website has specific threads for husbands of walk-away wives. You might give it a look.

21. I suggest you look up the missing reason phenomenon. Older parents do this a lot too and claim to be estranged for seemingly no reason when in fact they are probably aware of many reasons. I’d begin by assessing the reasons you’ve likely been told.

22. Praying for you. Marriage is tough.

23. Ive never quite understood that saying; I love you, but I’m not in love with you.

24. I walked away from my previous relationship of twelve years. He thought everything was great as I was slowly wasting away emotionally. I had talked until I was blue in the face, I asked to go to couples counseling together, I expressed my needs in our relationship. I fought hard for us but it’s hard fighting alone and you get tired. All his affection and his attention that I sought from him went to his female cousin. I had no control over finances. He was not kind. The only thing that I had control over was remodeling of the home we had just bought.

    Until one day I was weeding the garden and he came to me and told me his female cousin (who lived two states away) decided we needed a bear theme for the bathroom and had sent us a shower curtain with bears on it. I felt like I sat there forever but seriously, I felt calmer than I ever had. I just got up, removed my gardening gloves, went in the house and started packing. He was blustering and saying I was crazy and why would I move out over something so trivial. I was gone the next day. I was 52.

    I am now 56 and in love, and am loved by the most incredible, caring man. I will never regret walking away. You just reach a point where you just don’t have one more fuck to give.

    Funny side note …..after living with my guy for six months my ex sent me a long letter saying he realized how wrong he was in his treatment of me and had so wished he had appreciated and not taken me for granted. And then said he would be willing to go to couples counseling if I came back LOL

    Not a chance buddy

25. Probably pissing in the wind. If she comes back, it’s because she found that the grass wasn’t greener or saw something scary. Do you even want her back in that situation? That’s not love. That’s security.

    I dunno about you but I like someone who knows me and wants me to be with them when they wake up everyday. Otherwise, it’s not worth it.

26. I feel like you are trying to make this about your wife when this is more about you. I genuinely question how much of a “partner” you have been in the 13 years yall been together

27. My wife and I hit a rough patch at 20 years, and separated for 1 year to get things back into perspective. There was no outside relationships, dating, etc. But we focused on what we could do individually and some mutually to make things better for us and our children. We focused on individual emotional, mental, and spiritual work and reconciled to an even better marriage. Going on 2 years reconciled and I gotta say that it feels like we matured into a second honeymoon phase, making love like newlyweds and getting a second chance at really enjoying life like we should have the first 20 years.

28. It’s because all of us are raised to take woman for granted, it permeates every aspect of our culture and even more so if your religious. By the time a woman says she is leaving she left along time ago. Men practice cognitive dissonance and then are shocked when she goes. They do this because all they have learned is the world is suppose to be their oyster why would they want to do more than they had to? And they won’t until they are lonely enough or maybe they just stay angry and settle into life isn’t going their way (like an incel) who is a victim of feminism lol. People are happier when they question societal norms and design their life according to what fulfills them, setting boundaries with other more close minded individuals as they go. It sounds like this relationship has run it’s course but it is an opportunity to wake up and gain insight into what behaviors you had that didn’t serve you in the end and how do you want to go forward to gain the kind of life that will really fulfill you.