I have a new boyfriend, it’s been going on for 2 weeks. We have been friends for a long time before but our feelings changed and now we’re crazy in love. We go on romantic dates often, talk a lot, the sex is great. We already said I love you and we mean it (remember we’re long time friends too).
This weekend we went to a big city nearby to grab dinner, go for a walk and visit places, and just be random in the nightlife. I was severely sleep deprived (had a tough week at work and also had to do long evening shifts with physical job at my parent’s house) but enjoyed the times very much. We went to walk on the beach, it started raining but somehow it was so magical and romantic. He called me all kinds of beautiful and said we’re so lucky to be this way. We decided to go back to our hotel room but on the way there was a cool and crowded party place and my boyfriend suggested getting in and having a drink before bed.
First I enjoyed it very much but unfortunately got a bit more drunk than I wanted to (already had wine with dinner) and at some point I got extremely sleepy and frustrated. Also there were a lot of beautifully dressed girls at the party, while I was wearing my casual “city walk” attire and was a bit more worn down. So this got me all kinds of insecure. After 30-40 mins of being inside I asked my boyfriend to leave the party with me but he wanted to stay a bit longer (he said 10-15 minutes).
I don’t know what got into me but I made a big fuss and told him that “OK you can stay” and then rushed out. He followed me but I was still very upset and were basically running from him. He caught me eventually and tried to calm me down. It worked for a while and I offered we go back to a party and grab something non-alcoholic, but he kindly advised to go to the hotel. I was somehow better but still frustrated. We had sex but it was also weird. At the end I started crying, and not for the good reasons. I had all kinds of regret that I wasn’t more patient with him and I ruined a fantastic romantic getaway with my stupidity.
The next day he told me he’s not angry and we should let this go. We went to a walk and do a bit more sightseeing, grabbed lunch and coffee, and went home. He was holding my hand the whole time, and told me not to worry. At the end I asked him if he still loves me in the same way and he told me he loves me even more. He also planned a lot of dates for upcoming weeks, like grabbing Italian food, watching movies, getting tipsy in a bar, etc. We’re also going for a week long hiking in the end of the year. So all is good, right?
In fact, no. Today I woke up extremely anxious, had panic attacks and cried like every hour. I can’t do my job, I can’t even eat because I’m beating myself up so hard. This was such a good, crazy happy date and I ruined it. Maybe we’ll have more dates like this but I’ll never make up for this ruined one. Maybe he finds a girlfriend who is less frustrated and insecure, and more “go with the flow” in these situations. I wasn’t jealous with this guy before but today I can see nothing else but women froum our social circles, who would be more suitable for him. These emotions are killing me, nobody ever loved me so nicely before and I don’t want to lose him.
How to proceed from here? I feel like I already killed the vibes and started slowly decaying this relationship. Without this outburst I would be crazy happy and productive now, but I altered my brain chemistry so bad, when I decided to rush out from that bar. I can’t forgive myself, and I don’t know how I will. Also I am afraid that I’m sabotaging myself in a subconscious level with this behaviour. I also don’t know how to tackle that. I’m also afraid that on the long run he will change his mind about this event and will realize that I am stupid and the grass is greener somewhere else.
I know this sounds stupid and cringey but I hope that people with extreme severe anxiety will understand me. Any advice is welcome.
​
tl;dr : I ruined the prefect date with bf because i made a scene in the end of it. Gave me anxiety, I fear losing the guy, even though he tries to calm me. I fear he’ll change his mind about me.
3 comments
What happened on the date won’t ruin the relationship, this spiralling will. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It’ll be fine. Just next time don’t have so much to drink, especially when you’re already tired.
Humans slip up every now and then, you’re shouldn’t punish yourself for one small mistake. If he says to let it go, let it go. Blowing it out of proportion will only make things worse.
That will level out again. The way you describe it, it seems to be more of a problem that affects your relationship with yourself, anyways.
It might be a good idea to book a session with a crisis intervention psychologist. Or any other shortterm counsel. It might just have triggered something.
T.h.e.r.a.p.y 🌈
You definitely have some underlying problems with self esteem and anxiety. So the best course of action is to go to therapy.
And also you should speak with your partner about your fears and your past.
If something so insignificant would ruin your relationship it’s not relationship worth keeping.