I have been feeling a certain way for a while. I’m 16 years old and I’ve just started college. When I was 14 I started socialising with a big group of skateboarders. That was about the time I started smoking weed too. Through that year I had made over 100 friends and I was out socialising with my friends every single day. I had so many friends that I often had one group that I hung out with and then went to need another group after. All of those skateboarding friends that I made that year didn’t go to my school so I started to care less about my in school friends. I feel like I experienced things at that age that nobody else had at that point in time which made me feel like I was better than everybody else at my school, and I was looked up to because I smoked weed. My friends were so important to me that I would choose them over anything, even my family. Which is why I ran away from my house multiple times after being caught smoking weed because I felt that as long as I had my friends I would be fine. When I was newly 15 years old, I decided to to LSD. I took a dose of 150 ug and hung out with my friends and I thought it was amazing. I loved it so much that the next time I took it ( a week later) I doubled that dose and tried 300 ug. This was a bad mistake and led me to have a 2 day long bad trip where I was panicking and I felt so bad that I got ptsd from it. It was the worst experience I had ever had. A few months after that, my friends had all lost interest in me and I could see myself loosing more and more friends untill I realised I didn’t have anyone to talk to. At this point in time I stopped smoking weed because I was only smoking because I was around my friends which had left me. I felt obandoned and I never felt so alone. My days left me so bored and I could tell I was rotting at home and never going out. This continued for months. Because I had spent so much time with friends outside of school, I didn’t have any close friends inside of school and I feel like I lost my spark. I didn’t find peoples jokes funny, I didn’t feel like I fit in and I lost interest in people’s stories. Because of this I started to become very lonely as I didn’t talk to anyone. When I was in class however, it was different and I would be confident and chat and I could laugh (maybe because of the boredom) however as soon as I was outside of a classroom I didn’t bother to try to talk to anyone as I felt that they would rather not speak to me and they had better options even though I had a massive ego and still believed I had stories that everybody would love, I just believed they wouldn’t care. I decided to shut myself away and focus on trying to make money. I made £1000 at 16 which I saw as an achievement but I slowly stopped with it. At my school leavers party after our exams which was our very last day everybody was talking to eachother and I felt like I didn’t belong there, like nobody wanted to talk to me, so I left. I left on the last day celebration of school where people were saying their final goodbyes to eachother because I didn’t feel like I fit in and didn’t feel like anybody wanted me there. At my prom it was the same. I didn’t really talk to anyone and left early because I didn’t find it intresting because nobody was talking to me. I found a new small group of 3 friends after school ended who I got along with and I could talk to well, however I feel like I’m too serious and when it comes to making jokes or being silly, I don’t enjoy it and I don’t laugh, and I don’t like singing songs or looking like I’m enjoying myself at party’s because I feel silly and that I will be judged. And when my small group go out with other people to make it a bigger group, I shut off and suddenly become antisocial and would rather be alone. I want to know what my problem is and if it’s fixable. And if it sounds like any type of disorder.