Is there a name for the type of love you have for someone changing because of the circumstances/trauma the relationship has been through? I feel like it happened in my first marriage because I (F,35) was his (M,40) emotional support, his maid, basically his mom. I lost attraction for him and while I still did love him, it felt more like care and affection because of the time we had spent together and also me being worried about him if I wasn’t around. It didn’t feel like being IN LOVE. I worked hard to get the feelings back but it felt like obligation and fear. Not love or attraction.
Now im beginning to feel it again in a different relationship. She (F, 29) has been battling with suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety over the past year. She’s making a lot of progress, but I feel like my feelings have changed to be that of a caregiver rather than a partner. I love her, but it feels like the kind of love someone would have for a close friend or even family member? I can’t seem to take it to that other more romantic place in my head anymore.
Can anyone relate? I feel like a bad person, do I just lose feelings when someone goes through a bad time in their life? If I could bring the original feelings of being in love back, I would.
Tldr: twice in my life I’ve lost feelings when my partner/we have gone through tough times and I don’t know how to navigate this when the timing is so awful, but im so unfulfilled
1 comment
You have to put your oxygen mask on first – you’re not taking care of yourself if you’re constantly in a position of servitude to others.
This isn’t love, adoration or intimate – this is service.