Takes me forever to formulate a response in the moment.

I remember all the times i could have had potential friends.

I don’t ruminate on it but its like they are mental sticky notes. I remember the time and place and even what the person wore or what their voice sounded like.

And every time i think about the person inquestion, i kinda kick myself.

My autism sucks. My brain takes forever to put two and two together, its literally insane.

Oh this person is trying to make conversation. They ask about outfit, or where i got my chicken nuggets.

Brain lags, trying to sort through what they just said, processing.. oh! I understand you now. You’re actually talking to me. I never respond without tripping and stumbling over my words, or saying the whole sentence backwards lol.

Of course my face at the processing point is so hard to read.

Person has already either apologized, made a weird face and hurry up and left because the socially accepted time frame for a response from me has already left out of the door.

Or, i think of exactly what i wanted to say, waaaay too late after the fact.

I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t mind being alone but lonliness is a different beast. I can’t just come up and tell people upfront i am autistic.