I won’t get into all the nitty gritty of my marital problems but if you go through my post history you’ll get an idea. My husband has a porn addiction and constantly stares at and flirts with other women whether I’m there or not. He also let a few of his relatives, particularly his grandma, verbally abuse me for years and never defended me to them. Sometimes he’d even take their side.
We are in couples therapy now because I have already asked for a divorce and met up with a lawyer.
Our 5-year wedding anniversary is this weekend, and I’ve told him I don’t want to celebrate. I’m just not feeling it anymore, not after I discovered all the things he searched for/looked at on his phone and computer to include an Only Fans account he had for 2 years.
He went ahead and made plans anyway but hasn’t shared them with me. He even said to ask my parents to babysit our toddler this weekend. I’ve been asking him for a whole month now to not do anything for our anniversary. Yet he still wants to celebrate. Like… there is nothing to celebrate anymore.
Just venting. Really depressed about my situation here.
3 comments
Why are you in therapy then? Sounds like you’re done. You can’t have it both ways. It’s give/give in marriage.
Usually Anniversaries are token events of symbolism.
Porn shouldn’t be a concern, 18 years of marriage, went through a 10+ year rough patch. My wife isn’t going to change various aspects of me, she just has to accept this is apart of who I am, good, bad and ugly.
OF is a discretionary spending thing, you guys must have money to burn.
Advice, write a list on what you like and don’t like about him. Does his good qualities outweigh his faults, and can you live with those faults?
The in-law issue is probably the serious aspect in this. He should be able to smooth things over.
Just another example of how he doesn’t listen to you when you clearly express your needs to him. It’s incredibly dismissive for him to be steam rolling ahead with what he wants while ignoring what you want AND trying to get you to become involved (by getting your parents to babysit) in the thing you’ve repeatedly said you don’t want to do.
I’m so sorry you’re not being heard, friend. It’s a really frustrating and exhausting experience, and it sounds like an experience you’ve been living with for a while.
I assume you’re not going to ask your parents to babysit? If he’s made plans, he can go and enjoy them by himself.