I met someone on Hinge and he’s been an absolute dream. He’s kind, empathetic, thoughtful, cute, driven… I could go on. He also thinks well of me and we’ve been seeing each other regularly for over a month now.
At first, there was a lot of flirting from both sides (over text especially). He put in a lot of effort into planning and executing our first couple of dates and things were really rosy. He is still very nice to me, and I enjoy his company, however I am worried due to a couple of points:
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(1) I’ve been getting a nagging feeling he likes me less than I like him
This could’ve very much been me just catastrophizing. Evidence for him liking me less is: texting me less enthusiastically than before, flirting with me less, initiating less romantic things … and the fact that he also admitted he feels that I might like him more than he does me. (Mostly because I tend to text him I miss him pretty regularly, but he hasn’t really been doing it for a while. He used to be more affectionate over text, but now it sounds a little more friendly.)
He said we’re just getting comfortable with each other. However, I’m not sure what to think considering we’ve only been seeing each other for a month. If this is how comfortable we are after a month I’m worried about how we will be like in a couple of years?
He still does things that indicate he likes me though: he comes over to spend time with me, he cuddles me and kisses me, he holds my hand, he tells me the things he likes about me (when asked), reassures me, accompanies me, invites me to see his favourite movie with him and gets me things I need because he is sweet and thoughtful.
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(2) I have been heavily traumatised by past relationships/experiences
My date has mentioned that sometimes things feel a little too heavy for him, which I completely understand. He has also mentioned that he feels himself liking me a little less than before as on a couple of occasions I have brought the mood down feeling sad or anxious about something related to what he said / idk. He is understanding and empathetic, and I appreciate that about him and the fact that I should use those qualities within reason. It was never my intention to overload him or hurt him and… I never knew he felt like those were too much. After a good cry and a hug, it always made me feel better, stronger and just so grateful to be in his arms. I’ve always extended the same to him just in case he ever needed a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. Looking back, I’m not sure how I could have done better in those cases apart from just keeping everything inside.
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(3) Altogether, this just makes me worried that I might have just ruined everything
I like him a lot, I appreciate him, I see a future with him. He says he doesn’t want to commit to anything yet considering we’ve only known each other for a month which is fair. We’re getting comfortable and our relationship is changing which I get, but considering the points listed above I really don’t know what I should do.
I scoured Quora and Reddit for opinions and generally advice was mixed. If someone in a long term relationship says that break up. But in certain scenarios, some people found success just waiting and praying. I’m tired of worrying and feeling like someone I like doesn’t like me as much as I like them or as before.
I’m not sure if I should move on or give our connection another chance and some time. What do you think?
5 comments
You can only be yourself and maybe you can try to do better but I’ve met guys like this. They are looking for a perfect Barbie . You’ll never meet his standards if he didn’t like you for the way you are. He’s just disappointed you are not perfect
Give it more time. He’s still seeing you isn’t he? so he’s still into you and to cherry top it he’s also being completely honest with you too. Maybe tone down on the overloading him with your past relationship trauma. One month is too soon to be doing that kind of stuff with him and he’s right. Its not like you guys have been together for years where you already built that rock solid foundation to be letting out all that negative stuff on each other. Be fun, go on lots of dates, be the one to plan the date for once and just all around show him a hundred percent of your best funny, outgoing and caring self for now. A little vulnerability is good here and then too but keep the heavy stuff for later when the relationship has established.
You’ve only been seeing him a month, slow down a little or you’ll scare him away.
Well, I think your thoughts are a bit all over the place like you’re having a panic attack in your post. He already gave you an answer on where his level of like was with you, you don’t have to overthink it. I’d say don’t concern him so soon with the deeper sad moments, I think that’s what’s making him want to pull back. If its that bad for you and you must express yourself it’s best to do that with therapy. This guy most likely can only do the minimum in making you feel comfortable with the past that hurts you, don’t make it his job to be your full therapist, get the real deal.
A month would’ve been alright, but its more of what’s going on in this post for why it’s going to take time to continue dating or moving on.
What are you doing to keep him around? Is your MO just get anxious about how he feels about the relationship?