I often have to deal with the mentally exhausting task of figuring out whether people are being unfair with me or if my perception of their behavior is skewed…
To illustrate, just last week I had a little bit of a “sticky” situation (wasn’t directly related to me) with a teacher in Class A not sure what he thought about it. Moving forward, while in Class B I had to present some work I had done…
Day one, a lot of people presented, fine. Being the already introverted and weird person I am I waited until he asked who was left to present. Some people would have to present this week due to time constraints.
Anyway, I raise my hand, he completely ignores/doesn’t see me. Feeling weirded out and nervous about the situation I hadn’t understood, I waited for this week.
Today arrived, I waited almost everyone present the assignment… until I got anxious/upset at the whole situation and stood up to tell him I’d like to present next (after the person who was presenting at the time). He said it was alright. I was nervous and had to go to the bathroom.
Once I came back, the person who had just began presenting finished. There were two people left to present, me and another dude. My teacher points to the other dude and says “You’re next right?”.
I’m like: “No, that’s me?” He’s like: “Oh yeah I forgot…”
💀 How?
I’m willing to admit that this is my messed up brain thinking I’m at fault when it isn’t the case but lately it’s been very stressful to not know how to navigate this clash between “Is it my fault or is it their fault?”. Thoughts? Tips?
2 comments
To paraphrase Epictetus:
“When one blames others, a lesson is required. When one blames themselves, the lesson has begun. When one realises no one is to blame, the lesson is complete.”
Humans gonna human; it’s quite possible teacher b isn’t great at remembering stuff and wouldn’t be looking at the importance of the choice, as much as you.
Him forgetting you appears to you as a ‘slight’ but to him, it was probably just an oversight.
Regardless of intent, we cannot control how others behave, but we can control how we respond.
I completely understand.
You are on the right track because you paused, and then spoke up for yourself politely.
Go through life being respectful of others unless they show you they don’t deserve it (we are all human. And, some people with bad behavior will not stop if responded to with kindness)
Whenever you are unsure, give the person the benefit of the doubt like you did with the teacher.
If the behavior happens repeatedly, how you handle it depends on the value you place on that relationship or your image.
If highly valued or your image is in jeopardy, then start a constructive conversation—lots of examples online.
It’s a judgment call.
Ignoring it or blasting the person may be needed at times.