Hello everyone. Throwaway for obvious reasons. I am a paranoid person, always have been. I also watch a good amount of true crime content, so I know it’s usually the people close to you that kill you. I’ve discussed my fear of being murdered with my husband. We play fight sometimes and he will joke around about killing me and how easy it would be. I’ve told him several times I don’t like it, yet he continues. He tells me it’s ridiculous i get so scared and obviously he would never do it. But still. This weekend he is going on a trip with his friends, and as I work, our child is staying with friends. I can help but think he’s hired someone to kill me when he and my child are out of the house. I can’t shake the feeling I have. It’s so bad I even thought about sleeping at my car at work while he’s gone. I have a very large life insurance policy he knows he will get too. I’ve seen so many true crime cases where similar things has happened. Please tell me if i’m being irrational or should i be genuinely concerned.
14 comments
You both need therapy!
There are things that should not be said even in jest
Change your life insurance to pay out to someone else. If you then *still* feel fearful, it’s likely anxiety.
Turn off the true crime. Get into individual therapy and marriage counseling. Find something else to talk about with your husband.
Stop watching true crime content !
So you could be paranoid because of too much true crime stuff, you may also legitimately be picking up on subtle signs that you are in danger. Trust your intuition. A not so subtle sign, and absolutely totally unacceptable and not normal, is your partner joking about how easily they can kill you, especially after you asked him not to. You should be able to trust your partner with your life. Examine why you don’t trust him fully. You deserve to feel safe. Speak to someone about your concerns. Contact a domestic abuse hotline or charity and speak to them about this. They will help you to understand if your concerns are legitimate and what steps you can take to protect yourself if they are.
Username checks out.
I actually work in forensics so true crime is my life. I’m not paranoid at all.
I think you’re being irrational. You need to turn off the “murder porn” and get some therapy. The murdered by your spouse demographic is much smaller than the not murdered. Lol.
Unless he’s abusive or is throwing out a bunch of red flags aside from his jokes.
If he legitimately wanted to kill you, he would not be saying it in a playful way. That being said, it’s weird that he keeps saying it knowing you don’t like it. You need to set a firm boundary with him, and if he doesn’t follow it, that’s a different issue. Generally though, I think you’re being irrational given the limited information you gave.
“I’m a paranoid person” your words.
This reminds me of another post where a guy was dating a girl into CNC (Consentual non concent), she got cranky at him for wanting to establish safety words etc what she didn’t realize or care for is how much you can fuck up a person’s life by accusing someone of a crime… It will end your relationship and they will come for recompense. So yeah… Get some counseling.
Him joking about how easy it would be to kill you is not normal, playful, or ok. It’s a huge red flag.
I would tell him if he makes that joke one more time you are leaving. That would freak me out. For real.
OK I watch a ton of true crime and listen all day to true crime podcast and I have never once had this thought. Do I joke with my husband he better behave because I know how to kill him and hide his body. Absolutely but he thinks it’s funny.
You need some serious therapy if you think because your home alone this weekend, your husband hired someone to kill you. And I agree with others turn off the true crime for a while.
For what it’s worth OP, even if you are totally paranoid he *really* shouldn’t be making jokes like that anymore. He’s being disrespectful at best, and he should know how paranoid you are and how this will make you feel.
Does he have any other abuse red flags? Controlling or jealous behavior, isolating you from friends and family, frightening anger, etc.?
If not, then yeah I don’t think you’re in danger. You’re just married to someone who doesn’t know/care how much his jokes aggravate your paranoia.
Storytime: I was a single mom & stated dating a man, biker type Harleys etc, when my daughter was almost 2. We married on a Vegas trip.
Few months later we had an argument and he flipped me over in a chair. Few weeks later him and a few of his buddies were passing around pictures of something laughing, drinking beer, as they were passing the pics around I was like, “oh let me see” and as I grabbed the pic it ripped.
He turned monster, I ran over and sat against the wall at the dining table apologizing profusely. He picked me up by my neck hit me against the wall.
A few months later, every couple days, while we sat and talked like we usually did… He would casually and calmly say, “you know, If I hit you I could disfigure your face pretty easily.” Inside I was like what the f*** where did that come from but I just sat there and kind of nervously laughed and said yeah I bet you could and change the subject. So one night we got into an argument and I was sitting in the recliner in the living room and he flipped me over and then recliner and started punching me in the head so there would be no visible welts and bruises and yes there were and I was able to get away and call the police never talk to them but I threw the phone down so they heard the commotion in the background got my daughter and fled. Of course after that for days he was really nice and said you know come back home I love you I’m sorry and when I refuse to he threatened to kill me.
This was a 240 lb 5’10 muscular man. I was a 27-year-old 5’9 135 lb woman.
You need to read the book The Gift of fear and you need to trust your gut instinct because a lot of people watch crime shows but it doesn’t make them fearful of their spouse possibly killing them. And truth be told worldwide the number one threat to a female’s physical safety over any disease car accident natural disaster combined is men.
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
You need therapy asap, and stop watching/listening to true crime immediately. This isn’t a normal thing that people think about unless there are actual signs your husband would do harm to you, like signs of abuse. His jokes are not ok but it sounds to me like he doesn’t understand how much it actually gets to you and from his perspective is just teasing you. My husband and I make dark jokes with each other but we know it’s ok and doesn’t bother us
Your husband needs to stop joking about it, and you need to stop bringing it up and thinking about it. Unless there are actual signs your husband wants to hurt you, you need to get therapy because generally being this paranoid about your own spouse is extremely unhealthy. You’re supposed to trust your spouse and feel safe with them