Hey all, as the title says.
I have a problem with over-talking and over-sharing. My Dad has the same problem, so I assume I got it from him. May not be the case though.
Anyways, it’s not like I just say a bit too much here and there. I feel like I have to overexplain or include too much details in any jokes, stories, or conversations I have, and it’s bothering me a lot. I don’t necessarily want to just be super quiet, but I talk WAY too much when asked. I think it’s contributed to countless times I’ve been in awkward social situations, interrupting others, and losing my train of thought. It even applies to texts (I often stick extra stuff in parentheses, like this) and it becomes a hassle to read.
Any an all feedback is welcome. Thanks!
4 comments
One of the easier ways to calibrate how much you talk is to measure it against what the people you’re with are doing. So, don’t let yourself talk a lot more than they do, and if you feel you’re heading in that direction, shift gears and ask them a question. When it comes to details, only include the ones that are fun, interesting or necessary.
Things that usually AREN’T necessary:
* What time it happened
* How long it took
* Exactly how many people were involved
* What the person’s last name was
* How old anyone was
* Where it happened except in a vague sense
* Measurements of any kind
* What color anything was
* Which day of the week it happened on
* Accuracy about anything except as it pertains to the immediate story
In other words, pretend you’re shooting a movie. In a movie the ACTION matters. The details really don’t.
i wouldn’t lie, if i say people do find oversharing/talking too annoying.
try to make it short. don’t be too specific. just a little short sentence summarising context and stuff.
A lot of it is cadence. It’s ok to maybe ramble and wander a bit if telling stories so long as it’s more of a lack of direction thing. I’ve talked to so many people while stoned whom I now realize I subjected to way to much minute detail but they never have really pushed back
Just include the basics and let them ask questions. Really only include details if they are either exciting or significantly change the context of a story
For example if you’re telling a story about a funny roast, it’s not necessary to explain who it was for or why they deserved it unless that’s the initial conversation bridge.
When involved in an in-person conversation:
* Listen with the intent of hearing and comprehending, *not* speaking.
* Don’t contemplate what you’ll say next while listening. Just listen.
* If a person tells you a story or anecdote from their life, don’t just immediately return with one of your own. Comment on theirs! Ask them questions. Show interest.
* Before sharing your own anecdote, ask yourself: might this be interesting to others? Does it contribute to the conversation, or is it kind of the same story all over again but starring me this time?
* Ask yourself how you would respond if someone said what you’re planning to say to you. Would it make things awkward? Is it “replyable?”
* When in doubt, ask people questions about themselves that aren’t invasive. If someone mentions their vacation, ask what their favorite activity was. Ask about what they ate and the sights. It’s cool to express your desire to visit that place! If you’ve been there, it’s also cool to share what you enjoyed about that place. Just take care not to jump in with a full on description of the time you went to said place, stealing their thunder.
* The gist is: take your time. Consider what you’re about to say before you say it, and weigh how well it contributes to the discussion. It takes practice, so roll with it and don’t be hard on yourself when you blurt something out!
Online conversations:
* This one’s easier! So, you’ve decided to tell a story. Type it all out naturally, and keep it to as few messages as possible so you’re not spamming the other person/people. Use paragraph breaks if it’s a long one. Then, reread it. Ask yourself, “Does this part add anything?” And if it doesn’t, backspace it.
* Details can make a good story a great story, but they need to be interesting ones. “I got into a fight with a man,” could be, “I got into a fight with an ex MMA fighter. *Huge* guy. Built like a tank.” This paints a picture. “I was standing in line at the DMV because I lost my tag on the highway somewhere – I spent forever looking for it, but I couldn’t find it – and the place was totally packed. Then this guy accuses me of cutting in line and picks a fight with me. He looked maybe 45 and he’d been on his cell phone(…)” <- Almost none of those details are helpful. Be selective, and keep it condensed.
* Feel free to say, “I understand how you feel,” but try not to give people too much detail about your own experience with something unless they’ve explicitly asked when they’re venting about their own troubles.
* Many of the in-person tips apply.