So I (26M) went on a date with a woman(29F) last night and I just didn’t feel anything at all and I’m not at all interested in seeing her again.
I’m generally not awesome at letting people down gently but in this case it’s worse, because at the end of the night she went in for a kiss and I just panicked and kissed her back. I know anxiety isn’t a good excuse for what feels like toying with someone’s emotions, but that really wasn’t my intention and now I feel terrible.
What do I do now?
(UPDATE: The deed is done. Thank you guys. Feel free to keep commenting because I feel like I could still use advice in this department for the future.
13 comments
You be an adult and tell her the truth. Might sting, but lying is only gonna be worse.
If she’s not in any of your social circles or from work, just stop responding to her. She’ll get the picture.
Just tell her you had a good time with her but didn’t feel a romantic connection.
Just tell her u moved, and your new address is 15 Yemen rd, Yemen
Hey [Name],
You’re a wonderful and attractive person, but I feel the romantic spark is missing for me. I think it’s best we go our separate ways. I’m sure you’ll find someone truly compatible.
Wishing you all the best.
Compliment them and tell them you didn’t find them compatible with you and then wish them the best of luck. I get the not wanting to hurt anyone. But being upfront and honest saves everyone time and energy.
Most healthy people do not develop strong expectations after one single date. And one kiss does not mean much.
Honestly, I think ghosting is totally acceptable here. It was just one date. If this woman is decent looking she has dozens of guys blowing up her social media and dating profiles and she can easily get another date in a day or two. Plus by ghosting, you don’t give her false hope the way a poorly worded rejection might. In fact, it’s probably easier for her to move on if she thinks of you as slightly “rude.”
If you really think you need to “let her down” because you think that’s what nice people do, keep it short and sweet. A simple “Had a nice time but I didn’t feel a spark. Best of luck/Take care/etc.” is all you need to say.
You don’t owe her a more detailed explanation and you’re more likely to offend her if you try.
I’ve told guys that I had a fun time on the date but I see us more fit to be friends than partners. Breaks their hearts, but at least it’s honest work.
Something like “I had a fun time with you, but I don’t see us going further in a relationship. I wish you the best of luck!”
I’ve used similar and it’s been used on me – you’ll get used to it!
Ghost her.
“hey *name*, I had a great time with you but to be honest, I am not sure we would be a good fit for eachother… I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for! Long days and pleasant nights!”
I wound not have assumed “letting her down” is necessary at all, unless she were to follow up expressing interest in seeing you again.
Don’t sweat it. Guys go in to kiss girls too when the girl isn’t feeling it. We still let them know.