On mobile so apologise for formatting.
So, one of my boyfriend’s [20M] friends [20M] has been creepy towards me [21F] quite recently, he’s made multiple comments towards me in the past commenting on things that he shouldn’t (not mentioning for anonymity) and recently overstepped my boundaries a lot. In the moment my boyfriend really had my back and suggested I block him and shouldn’t speak with him or be around him anymore, he’s previously been uncomfortable with me being alone with him too, I assume because of his past comments. I decided to go with the benefit of the doubt and didn’t block just yet, but then his friend decided to go and complain about me to my boyfriend and try and explain his side, my boyfriend stood up for me here too and it honestly felt great for him to stand up for me against someone who was being quite scary towards me. This was just over a week ago.
So today he mentioned they’re going out one on one, this strikes me as really strange as they haven’t done this in years. I feel like I’m going crazy, it’s a really strange coincidence that all of a sudden they’re hanging out together. I of course mentioned that I was a little uncomfortable with this as it feels like he isn’t really backing me up anymore by hanging out one on one, he then completely went back on all the stuff he was agreeing with me on a week ago. I won’t lie it really got to be and I mentioned this was really hurtful and I’d rather he called it off. I don’t expect him to never speak to the guy as they are friends and in the same group but I just feel he doesn’t have to start hanging out with him after years of not doing it, and so soon after he was really creepy towards me.
Am I overreacting or going crazy? I really need help on this please I’m feeling really confused and kinda disrespected. What would you all do in this situation, and how should I approach this to show how I feel? He doesn’t care at all at the moment that this has hurt me quite a bit.
Any advice is appreciated thank you!
TL;DR Boyfriends creepy friend overstepped my boundaries and all of a sudden they’re hanging out after years of not doing so.
2 comments
Imo, I would feel controlling to ask him to stop talking to his friend.
But I would make it clear that being friends with someone who was creepy to you shows that he condones what his friend did.
You need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. For me it absolutely would be (I’m a guy if that makes any difference to you).
This level of disrespect shows you where his values are. He apparently cares more about this friend than he does about you feeling safe/loved.
This is just my theory, but i believe he’s being manipulated, I would assume his friend has guilted him into believing his side of the story somehow, and that’s why he walked his defense of you back. You need to clearly remind your boyfriend that what his freind did was way out of line and not ok and that defending the victim (you) from this guy was the correct choice. Now he might reply with what his freind might have convinced him. Things like “It wasn’t that bad” or “you’re overreacting” it’ll be tempting to hate him for saying these things but you should remind him that he was on your side at first.