I just started dating a guy about a month ago, and we are not exclusive yet but seem to be getting there quickly. With him, everything is great so far. The only issue is he told me that his best friend is visiting from another state and will be staying with him for one week. He doesn’t have an extra bedroom or big enough couch for her to sleep on, so I assume she would have to share a bed with him. They have also been friends for about three years, have gone on trips together in the past too. A glimmer of hope signifying that they truly are just friends is that he dated her best friend, of whom she is still friends with. I don’t know too much about this woman other than that. He also never offered to introduce us, should I be worried? I realize that he has the freedom to date whoever he wants at this time, I just want to sus out if this is strictly just a friend or someone I should be worried about in the future.
8 comments
Don’t assume. Ask him what her sleeping arrangements are. Maybe he got a blowup for her. If she is indeed sleeping in the bed with him that would be quite inappropriate and you would be within your rights to voice concern about that.
So you are ok sharing?
This will most likely not end well.
Don’t worry, it sounds he’s like just giving her insides a new paint job.
You’re not exclusive so you don’t really have the power to tell him how to accommodate his friend. I would personally ask where she’s staying. Maybe something flirty like, “she’s staying over? Wish I could cuddle you instead.” If she’s not in bed with him he will clarify that. You probably don’t want exclusivity with a man who has uncomfortable boundaries with another woman.
Ok well I don’t know a guy who would put up with such nonsense – if I’m seeing someone new and the new girl I’d been talking to tells me she has a male guest from out of town visiting and sharing her bed and I’m not invited to meet him – well there is going to be a conversation 100%. And I was under the impression that a female in the same position would have the conversation 120% of the time. And there would be some explaining to do
So imagine nothing is going on – does he claims he’s never kissed his BFF ? It sounds sounds so very sketchy and you know that. I mean you don’t need to post a story where l you know the responses are going to be tilted strongly thumbs down.
You say you don’t know the sleeping arrangement and he has not offered to have you two meet – so I’m going to ask the hard obvious question – are you simply uncomfortable double clicking here. Are you afraid to ask ? Maybe you don’t want to come across as insecure because this is all so very casual so far and you can’t very well be seen as being overly concerned because as you said – nothing has been discussed between you two free and breezy hipsters ? Is that close ? But really, why not drill down ? Certainly nobody, NOBODY can fault you for raising your eyebrows – if ever there was an “oh REALLY – do tell !” Reaction it would be here.
So it occurs to me you are not out of line requesting that you would appreciate some clarity here – for very obvious reasons – and he should only say “of course” without a peep about how he is the Master of the Universe and it’s important to him to feel he can do whatever he wants. He knows it looks totally sketchy and should understand your concern and not gaslight you into feeling timid about expressing your hesitations. He takes you thru their history and casually introduces you. If he hesitates at introducing you then you KNOW there is some funny business going on here The point being you don’t really need to meet her – you want to see the look on his face when such is suggested. And then You don’t do this thru text message – no no no – you are sitting in front of him. No wiggle room. End of story.
His female best friend is about to get his tubesteak.
Would have thought he’d have introduced you sooner as he obvs things a lot of his friend . You know reading your post , sounds very much like they are more than just friends