My (33F) boyfriend (35M) is extremely extroverted, and I am more of an introvert. He has a ton of friends and a few different big, tightly knit friend groups. I feel out of place when I am in these groups. People are nice, but it takes me time to get to know people and I only have a few close friends and not really a large group of friends that I hang out with. I love him very much and know that he loves me, and when I express to him that I don’t feel like I fit into his life, he responds that he feels that we fit well together and that’s the most important part to him.
I often find myself wondering if he would be happier with someone more social like him who runs in his circles, or if I would feel less insecure with someone who is a little less extroverted with friends that I feel I have more in common with. Outside of this, our relationship is good and he’s an amazing person. Anyone have a similar experience and success or failure within that?
5 comments
Most people don’t have large groups of close friends. My ex had large groups of friends and I was much more introverted myself until I got to know people. I don’t think its an issue unless you do not interact well with the people he knows – you can just interact, nod, smile, engage in pleasant conversation and have a little fun – but you don’t have to be the life of the party like he is.
Don’t overthink this. You guys are doing well together. Your introverted and he’s introverted and that’s okay. When hanging with him and iOS friends don’t feel like you have to talk to with everyone and be out there. Take your time to get to know a few of them at a time over a period of time. If things get too much you can always let him and his friends know hey I need some me time. No need to put pressure on yourself.
Why do you have to fit into his life? You’re building a life together, that’s the new life. That doesn’t mean you have to go everywhere with him or do everything he does. I understand it takes you time to warm up and get close to people, no one expects you to be close to them yet. What will likely happen is you’ll be closer to one or two and the rest will simply be his friends who you see on special occasions or maybe once a month, but then have smaller groups or individuals you see more, or don’t. But think of it as if he had a hobby that you weren’t also into, sometimes you engage because it’s something important to him or it’s a big moment for the hobby, but one’s times you do your separate hobbies. He seems to get you, you don’t have to be the same or similar as long as you get each other.
I hope I can help by shedding light on the situation. can choose to do one of two things here:
1. You can accept that you’re different but learn from this. Being open to being more extroverted, getting to know his friends, using this as a way to learn and grow within yourself, learning small talk and meeting new faces. But you also don’t have to go along with all his plans all the time. You don’t have to join in every gathering. Building a relationship means doing activities together but also just the two of you. Maybe integrate more dates and activists where it’s just you both. Maybe do something social with him with your friends so you feel more comfortable with people you know. There’s ways to work around this and build.
2. If you feel you’re too different then the resentment of it all will get stronger. If you feel you’re not a good match you and he’s too extroverted then you are not obligated to stay in the relationship. Not sure how long you have been together but you can end it if it’s giving you too much stress and anxiety if you feel someone less extroverted would be better.
Ahhhhh you got me revved up my dude lol. I’m not gonna say too much because then I will say too much, but perso, in my opinion, introvert+extrovert are the best combination for a relationship