So me and my gf have been together for 4,5 years, and during this time she has gone to work abroad two times. First time was 6 months, after which I made clear that I did not want a long distance relationship, and she agreed that if we go somewhere to live, we would go there together.
Well…. 7 months after she returns from her first abroad job she tells me she got an offer for a position on the other side of the globe. To my surprise, she asks me what I think about it.
From that moment I realize that she is considering it, which sort of breaks my heart. I don’t want to keep her from exploring her career, so I end up telling her that she should go. But it hurt, because I thought we both agreed that we would pursue something together.
From that point she begins to comment that I seem to grow more distant, and I eventually admit that it is because of her choice. She gets upset, asks why I did not say that I wanted her to stay, and becomes upset when I tell her that I felt I had no other choice than to support her. Things go downhill from there and we eventually break up after a lot of drama, pretty close to when she leaves.
I have a very hard time moving on and try to patch things up, make sure she knows I still love her. But she turns me down and says that she is done and that she wishes to move on.
I eventually manage to move on and finally feel like I have gotten over her, after a few months. We stay in touch up until this point, and I reach out to tell her, since it felt like the most mature thing to part on good terms.
She immediately says she wants to try again, even though we are far away from each other. This did make me confused, and to begin with I refused and said that it was better this way. But me being me, I eventually agree and we become a long distance couple.
We try to talk about the future, but she never seems to know what her next step is. She wants to quit her position but has no idea about when or what the next step will be. I try to keep working on my life and plan what my next step is, and to be honest I´m not sure where I am going with this….. I just feel frustrated and sad that I am so far away from her. We recently met, after which she went back to the other side of the globe, and now I feel sad again….
How can I pursue this relationship, knowing that she might change her mind in the future or something…. I don´t know why the fu*ck I’m writing this, I just feel so empty.
tl;dr: Me and my girlfriend agreed to not do more long distance anymore, but she ended up going away again and I feel hopeless.
2 comments
Better question: WHY should you pursue this relationship?
> after which I made clear that I did not want a long distance relationship
> … I eventually agree and we become a long distance couple.
The math is not mathing here. You didn’t want to be long distance, lied about it when asked, had terrible communication, and then somehow ended up in a long distance relationship. You should have just spoken your mind…. And you should do the same now, and either come up with a plan together to close the distance once and for all or just break up (and then don’t be a silly goose and stay in contact with your ex because clearly that doesn’t go well)