I’m having a hard time getting my husband to understand that he can’t do all the THINGS. Last year, he decided to fly out to Utah (We live in good ole southern Georgia) on his own, to go to do CDL classes. Never had a conversation about it, and told me he was going, to only return a week later. Unfinished. He then proceeds to return home, and explain it wasn’t for him and he wanted to go to technical college for computer programming (which he loves computers, and I feel like is his calling), only to not even make it through a semester before he quit. Now, he’s wanting to be an aviation mechanic, and it also has an 18 month course. I then proceeded to explain to him that he never finishes anything he starts when he wants to do courses or classes, and that doing this 18 month course is absolutely NOT a good idea, but he still went to have a school tour today. I feel like he’s just trying to find his place, but in doing so not caring about my feelings. We are 26+27, with 3 kids, and he chose this life. I stay home, while he works. I have also gave up many things in life I wanted to do. He makes GREAT money at his job now, and we live comfortably. Am I being unsupportive?
5 comments
Has your husband ever been diagnosed with ADHD? That might be a reason why he jumps into all these new, novel ideas but then doesn’t follow through with them.
OP, your husband sounds very whimsical and misguided. Someone here mentioned ADHD and I’d agree that that should be examined closely.
Him not finishing things, getting carried away with ideas and then beginning new adventures, could be a sign of something he may need help for. It is not sustainable to keep going about things like that.
You two have children. He cannot just pack up and go out and chase a dream he just realized he had. It’s not a matter of being unsupportive but of what is sustainable for your marriage and life, and overall stable.
My ex was always like this, except never made great money. I resented it, but my only choices were to leave or to pick up her slack. Eventually her irresponsible and selfish whimsy zeroed in on her marriage and she left me for other things. It was nice after she left me to be responsible for only myself (kids are grown) and I’ll never allow someone to saddle me with everything again. But every situation is unique and my ex contributed little to our finances (or bedroom).
I wish you happiness.
How would you feel about him joining the state or national guard? He would not be able to quit (therefor will get his IT or welding or driving certification) and will maybe get this odd need to do something out of his system. And he’ll get paid instead of paying for it.
Your husband is still trying to answer the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
And not being able to come to terms with he’s way too late to be worrying about that now.