Basically messages on platforms like discord from friends. I was playing a game and wanted to enjoy some time to myself when a friend of mine messaged me and asked if I could stream it for them. I’ve been feeling stressed all month and have been doing voice calls with this person multiple times a week, I just didn’t feel like it today so I didn’t respond.
Well, a few hours later while I was still playing they hit me with a message saying ‘what the fuck’. I felt like the reaction was quite extreme and it stressed me out. Yes I could’ve messaged them saying not today but I also feel like I have a right to be on my computer and not be obligated to talk just because someone messages me. I’ve heard people say it’s rude to not respond to texts or messages if you’re not busy but at the same time shouldn’t we be allowed to disconnect? I can apologize to my friend for not responding but I don’t think I should feel this guilt either.
EDIT: all right I’ll make a point of changing status in the future thanks
5 comments
Doesn’t Discord have something where you can make yourself invisible?
The green status suggests you’re available to chat. If that’s not true, turn it off and do what you want to do in peace.
It’s rude to not respond to messages, but an increasing number of people seem to not understand this, yourself included. I feel like there’s no point in explaining it to you.
Petty conflicts, ah, the spice of life!
Whether it’s “rude” or not depends on the person, right. Some people are a lil sensitive to feeling ignored/rejected and perceive it as this huge slight, and some people couldn’t give a shit less. Additionally, people have different preferences for distance/closeness. Ideally, both people would be responsive to each other’s signals and not actually *need* much from the other.
I do agree it’s much more rude of your friend to react aggressively and makes them look super insecure. Whether they intended it or not, aggression is received as manipulative and undermines the fact that conversations are supposed to be mutually enjoyable exchanges.
Realistically, however, if you plan on maintaining intimate relationships with people, you’re probably gonna have to listen to them when they’re angry at you at least sometimes, right. Just how it is. An apology is less about who’s right or who’s to blame than acknowledging that someone feels bad. And once they feel heard and calm they’re in a state actually receptive to hearing your own feelings. To end a conflict, *someone* has to back down first and just trust the other won’t use it as an opportunity to beat the dead horse.
Now if the friend is *always* acting the victim, it’s reasonable to find yourself slowly starting to talk to them less. Often times the things people do to bring others closer just push them away. 🤷 Some people gotta learn the hard way. Not your problem.
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I hide offline if I’m really not in the mood for people.
Otherwise I generally attempt to respond with something. “Sorry feeling antisocial today.” and then go offline to prevent other communications.
I also don’t notice discord a lot, most my friends are pretty casual if I respond right away or don’t notice for 3 days.
Could have writtent “not today”. Else, you were busy playing the game and didn’t notice/see their message. They should be made aware that if you are online it does not mean that you are aviable to talk.