Me (F27) and my boyfriend (M39) have been together for almost 1 year.
He’s the gentleman I’ve always dreamed of – he’s respectful, loyal, thoughtful, sweet, hardworking, protective, and sexy af. I didn’t have a good experience with men growing up, including my dad, though we worked it out, and we’re close now. So, I didn’t know a man like my boyfriend existed before he came along. I’ve never felt a love this great and genuine before. I can confidently say his happiness is as important, if not more important than mine. We love each other and we feel that what we have is rare.
Here’s the catch: I’m an international student, and I have yet to secure a full-time job. I am confident I’ll eventually land one, but it’s just taking longer than we expected. The economy isn’t ideal these days, and the job market is looking pretty dire, which feels heavy, and I’d have to hype myself up constantly to stay positive. At the same time, I feel our relationship is time-sensitive given our age gap and what we want to achieve at a certain time (i.e., starting a family). I have to admit, I’ve been feeling pretty defeated job-hunting wise after receiving rejection after rejection. And it dawned on me that it’ll take longer than I wanted to reach the level of establishment that’s ideal to settle down. By being with me, basically, my boyfriend is just “waiting” for that time to come before he can move on to the next stage of his life.
Long story short, we’ve been through many difficult conversations on where this is going, and I am at a place where I’ve fully accepted that this is our reality, and it sucks. It’s definitely no one’s fault; we’re just two people who found each other at the wrong time and place.
I feel selfish to be holding him back from settling down when we deserve to be with someone who’s more established than me. He deserves to find someone who’s closer to where he is in life and gets what he deserves. I’m unsure what to do – should I let him go so he can find someone that’s more fitting to his needs, or should we keep being hopeful and wait until I find something stable and see where this can go?
3 comments
Quit the self-sabotage, you’re both adults, not psychic; if he says he’s in, trust it, stop deciding what’s best for him like he’s a charity case and not a man making his own damn choices.
If his happines is most important that really sounds like people pleasing.
Can’t you also stay if he marries you? I’m pretty sure he will do anything to keep you around if you don’t end up finding a work visa.