My (20F) boyfriend (22M) has been very supportive of me as I have come out as a sex-repulsed asexual. We started dating online but have met up with each other for awhile – it’s probably been 1.5 years since we started dating. However, I have come to the conclusion that I don’t ever want sex nor do I want to birth my own children. I do want to one day have kids in my life though. I’m open to many things – adopting, fostering, or surrogacy. I just don’t want to be pregnant myself.
We’ve been arguing lately and he has told me that if he doesn’t get his own children that we’ll just own dogs. Also, he seems opposed to surrogacy, so I’m honestly not sure what to do anymore. I love children so much and I look forward to being a mother one day, but I feel so conflicted on which way to proceed and solve this issue.
I don’t know if I’m being extra sensitive because we haven’t spoken much recently due to being busy with school and finals. Am I wrong in any way?
TLDR: I’m open to options but I don’t want to deliver a child. My bf doesn’t want any kids if I don’t birth his… how do I fix this or reach a compromise?
7 comments
There are still other options like adoption. Keep thinking about it together and keep looking up what options there are.
Are you wrong? No, how can you be wrong when that’s how you feel? Therefore, he’s not wrong, either. Sounds like the two of you are incompatible for a long-term relationship.
Personally, I could never be with someone who’s asexual, so that just boggles my mind, but you do you.
Why is he opposed to surrogacy?
Well, surrogacy is expensive, so even if your bf was open to it, it might not be in the cards for you later on. So that basically leaves having non-biological children, and if your bf is opposed to that completely then I would say you aren’t compatible and should leave this relationship.
Sounds like yall just aren’t compatible and need to go your separate ways.
He wants children only if they’re biological, and is opposed to surrogacy.
You definitely want kids, but you don’t want to physically carry/birth them yourself.
You’re not a match. Go find someone who is better suited for you.
I have personally never wanted kids of my own. The whole idea of being preggo and giving birth and having to try your best not to raise the kid to be a psychopath is a lot of pressure and responsibility that I just never wanted in my life. I’ve always been upfront about that. When dating, I met plenty of guys who definitely wanted to be fathers, so we knew right from the start that we weren’t a good match and went on our separate ways. I don’t know how things ended up with those guys, but I know at least some of them went on to find and marry a lady who wanted the same things as them and now they have kids and are happy, which is great. Similarly,, I am happy bc I’m living the child-free life I wanted.
Agreeing on the topic of kids is a pretty fundamental thing when it comes to marriage and partnerships. It’s one of those things that you have to agree on, or things just won’t work out in the Long run.
You and your bf don’t match up in that regard.. so either one of you gives in and ends up being unhappy but together, or you two can both be happy and get what you want out of life apart with other people.
There is no compromise when it comes to kids.
Either A) you go ahead and have sex with him so he gets the biological children he wants and you end up resenting him for you having to go through the process or B) you just have dogs and he ends up resenting you because he’s not getting the biological children he wants.
Your feelings are valid but I think you need therapy. Sounds like a phobia.