How do I (25m) know whether to keep hanging on or to let go after my gf (24m) constantly leaves & comes back?

TLDR: My gf constantly walks out because of our past & my family, but wants to come back. This emotional rollercoaster is exhausting.

I admit, we’ve had some very low lows, & our highs have been not so great – we’ve constantly been teetering on the edge it seems.

Throughout the first few years of our relationship, I was constantly checking out other women right in front of her, & I *so* stupidly downloaded tinder trying to talk to other girls. It was due to resentment, because when I thought we were exclusive, she was messing around with someone else. I’ve since changed my actions & the way I treat her, I *KNOW* I want to be with her. I try my best to make her *feel* my love & never have to doubt it.

We had our own apartment close to our hometown from late 2017-2020, July 2020 we tried moving out of state, but came back in April 2021. Late 2021 & mid 2022, we tried moving out of state two more times, each time I made the stupid fucking mistake of coming back when our living situation became perilous. The only place we’ve had to live here is back at my parents.

I am grateful to have my parents that have allowed us to come back despite being like a goddamn yo-yo. However, the living situation isn’t ideal. For the 7 years we’ve been together, my family has been *trying* to find reasons to believe that my gf is a bad person. I have *one* sister (three total) that is sweet to her & likes her, my dad & brother are at least cordial but it’s clear they don’t like her. They constantly try to blame messes on her, & my preteen nieces have made up lies about her yelling at them to “turn music *damn* music down” (they play it on a sound bar & the bass literally rattles our walls, things have fallen off. I was on the phone with her & she didn’t say *damn*, & they ignored her the first two times she asked them, so she raised her voice a little thinking they didn’t hear her). Two of my sister’s & my mom are the biggest gossips ever, & after these years my gf has picked up enough Spanish to hear my sister on the phone talking to my other sister about her. My mom, sister, & preteen nieces are *always* yelling at my toddler niece & nephew, & said toddlers are *always* screaming & fighting each other too. They turn the TV up to rival the volumes at a movie theater. This place is overstimulating *as fuck*. There’s also a mold problem, & we’ve began experiencing things that arise through mold exposure. There’s constantly flies & fruit flies inside, there’s a wasp problem outside.

This last time, she didn’t even *want* to come back here – she told me numerous times but something very terrible happened to her while she was out with friends, not having a car, & being unstable (living out of airbnbs), so I panicked & decided to pack our shit & move us back anyway. She valued our independence way more, while I valued stability. My job out there was making *really* good money, but living out of airbnb’s, it felt impossible to save for a deposit. We found an apartment that offered a sort of “deposit insurance”, but we didn’t even know if we would qualify for it. However, with my income I *did* make the income requirement to afford the apartment on my own, without hers.

When we came back, we were going to try to be out within 4-5 months — it’s been nearly a year. Problems with places trying to take advantage of me & pay me less than what I deserved to be paid, & work slowing down *a lot* (dog grooming is typically commission). She was also having difficulty finding a job back here for several months. Her typical line of work has different regulations than the state we were in before, so she’d be making way less, & she understandably doesn’t want to settle for an hourly, nearly minimum wage job (but she has settled & is working).

To cope with all this, she’s turned to binge drinking. When she does, she brings up everything that has happened/is happening, & leaves to try to live elsewhere with a friend (last night being the most recent time, probably like 6-7 times since July). She won’t talk to me that night/the rest of the next day, but once it hits nighttime she calls me wanting to come back, & tells me she regrets everything she’s said & it’s just really fucking hard dealing with all this, but she knows we can make it through. This constant back & forth is so incredibly exhausting, I love her to pieces & want to be with her & see this through, but I know how she truly feels about me, our past, & everything. I know this is much harder for her than it is me, I’ve tried talking to my family but they just deny everything & don’t change.

The only good thing about being back is we have a car again, but our relationship is hanging on by a tiny ass thread. We’re trying to save at least a 2-3k as a fallback *on top* of the expenses to move, but I don’t know if we’ll even make it long enough for it to happen.

I know it’s gonna happen again, & each time it feels like she’s not gonna come back. I love her & want to fight for her, so I have each time, but like I said I know how she feels about me & everything. Her words are like daggers, so I contemplate whether her dealing with all this, me & my family is worth her sanity, knowing she’ll have at least *some* peace elsewhere. idk maaaaan…….