Hi everyone. My (25f) partner (32m) and I have been dating since last November.
It’s a little complicated but we met living in the same town in Ireland and I’ve since moved to England and kept my job in Ireland returning once a month since he still lives there. Situations changed and now he’s having to move from his home in a couple of weeks time. We’re considering him moving to England with me and getting a place together.
Naturally I believe we need to discuss finances, we both know how much each other earns and I earn slightly more and would take an income bump if I look for work here in England. He is an entrepreneur getting his business up and running, and although this is promising in the future, I accept the income reality we’re both facing today. I had to have this conversation with him since I take finances seriously, especially if moving in together.
On a phone call two days ago (Saturday) he said to me something along the lines that I’ll never earn as much as him and he will always have more money than I do and I need to learn my place. I expressed to him how that is extremely degrading and he admitted it was degrading but he has to do it so that I learn my place in the relationship. He was happy to degrade me. I called him a c**t and hung up. Texted him a few minutes later that he is delusional and when I fly over (this coming Saturday) I’ll fetch my things and that he is sick for treating a woman that way. His response ‘I have more earning potential than you right now, and I have a high confidence that will be the same into the future 🤷♂️ that’s sick alright’.
We haven’t spoken since. I am gutted and have no idea what to do. I kept my work in Ireland for him and have genuinely felt so connected to him and had a promising future. We’ve spoken every day since we met. The logistics for me to go fetch my things this weekend is difficult for me to navigate. I want to contact him to talk about this but really he hurt me, disrespected me and I don’t even know if it’s worth it.
Please give me advice. Am I being difficult and unreasonable?
6 comments
He showed his true colors. Pay attention. Collect your things and wrap this nonsense up.
Are you sure he isn’t slamming his hand down on the relationship’s self-destruct button?
Am I going crazy or did he say that you’ll never earn more than him while literally earning less than you. What.
Anyway, he already showed you what a c word he is, so do yourself a favour and go through with your plan
“Learn your place…??” What year does he think he is he living in? Heed the previous advice here, additionally consider his insecurities as a pure and solid red flag for further abuse.
Damn sorry to hear that! He sounds like a ass ngl, if he was the only reason for keeping that job would save you money in the long run getting a job where you are now, your totally in the right btw
This is the best news to have happen now. At least you hadn’t moved in together. Hate to have your suboptimal earning potential ruining things for you afterall.
He is probably lashing out because he is 5 years older than you and hasn’t amounted to much. That being said, do you want to be with someone who would say such horrible things to the person they’re supposed to love?