Men on dating apps have ruined my interest in sex. I am so over it!

31 comments

1. >Why the hell do people think the hottest sex is with strangers

   There are all kinds of people who think all kinds of things. Why are you pursuing the types of guys who like sex with strangers in the first place

   >with someone who knows you to your core and just how to push your buttons and with trust built so strong in that department you feel all sorts of crazy depths of pleasure

   To be blunt, and at the risk of being rude… Maybe the guys you are pursuing don’t think you are worth the effort

2. Dating apps absolutely suck. The new way isn’t better, it’s just new.

3. You wait 7 months for sex? I’ve found so many different ways to be sexually incompatible with men, I can’t even imagine the waste of time and gut wrenching frustration to date for seven months platonically, only to have sex and have it be something you never care to repeat again…

   You can’t determine their true desired frequency til you experience it. Men will lie about that or simply not be self aware.

   Then there’s kinks and desired acts and positions. And yes men will lie about that too. (So will women by the way, and about frequency too)

   And then there’s size compatabilty.

   You’ve had very good luck that the sex lined up so well with both your partners. I dated my husband a whole year before we got married. He was my best friend. And we both saved ourselves for marriage.

   Biggest mistake of my life. 20 years in a dead bedroom. And the sex we did have was the most lack luster unenthusiastic boring sex ever. After I left him, I met a man and had sex with him that day. To date that was the best sex of my life.

   Yes love and connection make sex better. But also so many other factors. Take all the time you need. And never let someone pressure you to have sex you aren’t ready for…..but don’t be surprised if you date for eternity, one to be frustrated to find out a year in that he actually never gives oral even though he talked a big game. Or only to find out once he cums, he rolls over and doesn’t get you off too. Or that he is a two pump chump. Or that he refuses to touch you or give foreplay. Again, despite talking a good game. Or that he continuously does things in the bedroom that you hate, ignoring your boundaries. You might think if you date a long time first, you will know his character. Well there are countless women who make posts “my boyfriend is the most amazing sweet loving man, but he keeps hurting me during sex even though I tell him not to….”

   These are not things I’m willing to wait to find out, personally.

4. Sorry to hear that you just have to make your preferences visible from the staff

5. Wait before having sex? Yea! But 7 months?! What a waste of time…. Imagine if he has a feet fetish and I hate those things.. going on dates just to found out that you are not compatible.

6. I know right?! 😂I’m a “woman of a certain age” and when I was online dating (met my husband there) I put it in my profile that I was “dating with a purpose“ and therefore celibate until I found “my purpose“. Although it didn’t completely eliminate the fools (surprisingly some men don’t read profiles 😁), It really did cut down on the number of men who expected sex on the first date! 🤦‍♀️ My husband and I were on the same page and didn’t have AMAZING MIND BLOWING SEX until after we were engaged, 7 months later! We’ve been married for 10 months now! 🥰💖 It’s definitely possible to find someone compatible online and it takes work but it’s worth it!!
   I really don’t understand, with all these “new” diseases added onto the old ones going around these days, Mannnn, go head with that!!! 🤣🤣 My body is a beautiful and healthy temple and I’m keeping it that way!! 💪💪💖 🤣 God bless, Sis!

7. Guys are desperate and that is why you are turned off. Better you go back to your ex husband.

8. I wholeheartedly agree on getting to know someone and forming a strong emotional connection and building a relationship before sex but… The problem is modern dating and the options available to women. I’ve gone on so many first and consistently get told that she “didn’t feel the spark.” Now, understandably, maybe we didn’t just connect or maybe she just didn’t like me. I understand and accept that and will keep putting myself out there and working on myself to meet someone but… I think there’s more to it. I think girls have too many options nowadays thanks to dating apps that they don’t commit or have a grass is always greener approach. I think this is the case because I (32M) had much easier time dating in my 20s versus my 30s yet now I’d say I’m much better off financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

   So my understanding of modern dating is that take a guy that finally gets lucky enough to get a first date and he, like me, has had plenty of first dates but no second, so he’s going to try to at least get physical intimacy since he’s been denied that strong emotional connection through a long-term relationship. The problem in modern dating trends, unfortunately I must say, is women. Women have the power dynamic in the dating pool.

   If women want a stronger emotional connection then they need to allow for more than a 3 hour date to see if there is a connection to be had. Hell, I can’t and rarely ever can tell if I’m truly compatible with someone within the first date and some of the best dates I’ve been on didn’t always work out as the best relationships and the more mediocre dates have blossomed into some of my best partners.

   But then again, maybe I’m striking out on first first dates because it is truly me, so like I said, I’ll work on that but personal and prior experience and the experience peers have told me is that women go on dozens of dates when dating to reject after the first date we’ll men go on a lot of first dates to get rejected, so I think there’s something there that’s a problem.

9. Well it’s not about dating app it’s totally about that person. I’m having really good friend from a dating app and he’s really good human being. See the thing is that people don’t trust each other when they meet through dating app both of them are constantly judging each other because everyone things that people use these app just to fuck people. But not always if you have a good approach and you can say no to those stupid people you can actually meet someone who’s good for you.The image of dating app is bad I don’t think people are bad.and it can work between two people if they stop looking for more and more and settle for the one who actually loves them as they are.

10. I’m with you on this. I too am losing my interest in men. My priorities have changed as I’ve aged. It’s more about companionship than anything.
    As we get older it’s going to be more about the quality of conversation and ability to tolerate vs who can service my carnal side. I’d rather be celibate with someone who is good to me vs having a great sex partner who is mean, ugly and disrespectful, cheating and lying about cheating.

11. Look up demisexuality. You’re describing that

12. It’s fine to wait if that’s what you want, there’s no rules about when to have sex. I’ve dated women for months before having sex, been inside of them within 30 minutes of meeting, and everything in between. I personally wouldn’t want to invest a whole lot of time/effort/emotional energy into someone just to find out that we’re sexually incompatible and look like an asshole for breaking up over bedroom stuff.

13. I would have zero interest in arbitrarily waiting seven months to have sex with someone I was dating. I don’t need to have sex on the first date, but I’m not interested in it being scheduled. When it happens, it happens, there is no right or wrong. That said, yes, you’ll likely have trouble finding a new partner if you’re going into it with the expectation that you won’t be intimate for over half a year. Because there are plenty of women out there who don’t need to have that. Personally, sex and sexual compatibility are one of the most important things to me when it comes to a partner. I would move on quickly if it seemed as though someone I was dating was not interested in sex.

14. Here’s todays “why you should just work through it and stay married bc the grass is always greener” post.

    This is dating. Be glad you had the luxury to forget bc someone loved you. Why would guys be after anything more than sex when the sex is free on the dating apps?

    There’s lots of young and hot people with no kids who just want to have fun and don’t want anything from us. That’s what you’re up against. You better be hotter and more available and expecting less if you want to compete with them. It’s just how it be. It ain’t fun for anyone on there. The best thing it’s for is just a reminder why to focus on making something good work.

    Unless like you were being hit or something in which case yeah life can be hard sorry to hear that.

    But like watch this sub, every day it’s at least one or two “I’m so over dating” posts.

15. I agree 100%.

    I have stopped dating and it’s draining still doing the emotional labor of having to be guarded with any man because it feels all they want is the easiest way to get sex.

    I WANT A GENUINE CONNECTION!!!!!!

16. commenting to read and reply later

17. That’s like a man saying he won’t pay for dates in the first 7 months, because he wants a true companion not someone wanting a free meal.

18. I’m a 53 year old male and I’m done too but for slightly different reasons. No matter which dating site/app I try, practically all the “women” I make contact with turn out to be bots, scammers, or escorts. I’m open to meeting and dating the old fashioned way. The biggest difficulty with online dating for me used to be getting noticed by real women among a sea of other men. Now there are so few real women, why bother?

19. My theory on dating apps is that, and this is only true for the men, those men that are on there cannot pull a woman irl.

20. Dating after divorce is hard. You thought you had your life figured out and then you’re reduced to using tinder to try to build it back. Once you get past this phase you’ll look back and laugh trust me lol.

    I married my HS sweetheart young and we divorced in out early 30s. I casually dated for a while before getting in a relationship and I’m glad I did. That exposure to so many different women taught me things about myself I didn’t know. What I liked and disliked, what I needed and what I needed to avoid.

    I also think that dating in such a low pressure way helped me avoid the frustrations that you have now. You’re hoping to and expecting to find a husband. But he hasn’t come along yet so you’re freaking out. With casual dating it’s just meeting new people and feeling them out. No biggie if it doesn’t work out.

21. Are you going after fuck boys ? Well hate to say but it it’s in their names

22. 28(M). I’m not one for hookups either. I’ve only had sex three times.

    I don’t mind waiting, though I’m not waiting 7 months to have sex, that’s a ridiculous amount of time imho. If it takes that long I would think that she wasn’t interested in me.

23. Men have ruined the women for me on these dating apps 🤣

24. I’m going back to bar hopping it’s safer ffs

25. I guess I don’t understand how the hottest sex can be knowing someone is your future when you’re presumably looking for a third future?

    Is there some kind of cultural pressure driving this? I feel like it’s so much easier to relax without the pressure of “this moment either leads to forever or nothing.”

26. Sex with a “stranger” is fun for me because exploring someone’s body for first time is always more interesting

    Taking your time and trying to find where all her triggers are is fun. It’s kinda like a game

    Secondly, i dont need to know every detail of a person’s life to fuck. Those things aren’t connected for me. Are they attractive and fun to be around? That’s all it takes. Not alot of people have that combo. And all that can be determined in 10 minutes

27. I think It’s the era were in now. Everything comes easy and fast now. Order something today get it today. Want to know something you can find it in an instant. Things aren’t like they use to when it took time to find what you were looking for and actually had to put some effort into finding it and being patient meanwhile waiting for it. This instant era also creates a sense of urgency of being clear with what you want impatiently and being bold about it because there’s no concern for what their asking of the other person. We’re also in a time where everyone is behind a screen and basic social skills are lacking. It’s a big problem because people are losing how to really connect with one another on the most basic human level we need to thrive.

    For whatever reason people now think because we’ve talked for a week consistently we’re connected. Because in this era that’s a long time. They also think that means we’re on a level that you can say and ask for whatever you want.

    With dating online men mainly complain there aren’t any real women online all scams or OF girls. (No shade of course) but why complain about that and then treat women who are real so poorly. Like ok sorry their aren’t enough girls for you to use and take advantage of because your cheap and don’t want to pay because that’s really what your looking for.

    People on dating apps right now too mainly aren’t looking for relationships. Their already in one or just looking for something casual and don’t want to bother with the effort it takes to actually date because their not actually trying to find something serious so they try and rush everything.

    When dating sites first came out only people who actually wanted a relationship were on dating sites. Now everyone is on there just trying to take what they can. It’s lost the purpose of the site.

    Things have just changed so much that it is to the point that I would rather be alone until I figure out some other way to meet someone.

    I have a high sex drive and that’s tough but also not worth having sex with a bunch of guys I’m not connected to. The connection is what makes the sex great. I am completely turned off by men right now also. I couldn’t stay on those apps and got off them. I found my self completely grossed out by men and I don’t want to feel that way because I don’t want to feel that way when I finally meet a good one.

    And this is only in reference to the men who behave so poorly. I know there are some good ones out there. Unfortunately there’s just less of them.

    So I don’t blame you for the way you feel. Take your time and do what works for you. The right one will be ok with your pace and will respect you. Just because things are different now it doesn’t mean you have to change what your comfortable with but yes the way things are right now make me feel like I’m out of touch or a little crazy because the audacity of the guys out there is insane. Ha ha but really their the ones that are crazy to think it’s ok to behave that way 😅.

28. I’m a guy and feel the same way.

    Generally, I’m not going to feel close to wanting to have sex with someone until some level of connection has developed.

29. You are so right

30. I’m curious to know what ended your marriage

31. Wow I am a man and have these exact feelings. Separated from my wife a few months ago and just astounded by the new face of dating nowadays