My boyfriend came home from running errands just now, but the errand that he was trying to go well and he’s in sort of a bad mood. He also said he had a bad day at work today.
When he walked over to feed the dog he immediately sighed and tells me “maybe let’s not leave chocolate by the dogs food bowl.” He said it in an exaggerated annoyed tone.
I apologized and he said it was okay, but he was still in a huffy mood. It felt sort of patronizing and passive aggressive. I think it might have been better if he said something like “I’m worried the dog would get into this if it’s by his bowl, please be mindful of where you leave things.”
To be clear, it was a small bag of m&ms, and it was on a coffee table which is close to the dogs bowl. I absentmindedly left the bag there while I was looking for something else.
My boyfriend is also super over protective of the dog. For example he has gotten really upset with me if I’ve left the toilet lid up, because he’s afraid the dog will drink the toilet water. (The dog has never done this.) I respect wanting to keep the dog safe and healthy, however I’m only human and every now and then I might forget things like closing the toilet lid.
How do I explain to him that if he wants me to change something or he’s upset about something to communicate it in a way that doesn’t feel passive aggressive, without him getting angry or upset?
TL;DR: my boyfriend will use a passive aggressive tone and make passive aggressive statements when he’s upset about something I’ve done. This isn’t helpful and I’m wondering about how I could ask him to be mindful of this and speak in a kinder way without further upsetting him.
5 comments
That was not a passive aggressive statement, though? He said don’t leave chocolate by the dog’s food bowl. There’s no hidden tone or meaning there.
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Your example really doesn’t help your cause, because it’s not really coming across as patronizing or unreasonable. He was *already* in a huffy mood because work, not your mistake.
Do you have a better example of him being passive aggressive?
Honestly? To me, it sounds like you are demanding your boyfriend not feel emotions that you find unpleasant. And that’s not an ask you can make.
I’m So sorry to say this. But…. Sounds like you just don’t like him…..
My general dating advice is don’t date anyone older than seven years than you.
I TRULY think you’re better off finding a new partner. There seems to be a lot of resentment here.