Does the US have any sort of arranged marriage scene?

25 comments

1. Maybe in very small, insular, “traditional” communities, but most people would find it bizarre.

2. Definitely not. We don’t really do that here.

3. Only among newly immigrated people from the groups you mentioned. Very very occasionally there is something similar among other ultra-conservative Evangelical Christian groups, but I’ve only heard of such a thing…never known anybody involved.

   Generally speaking, choosing who you want to marry or spend your life with is considered a fundamental right.

4. Yes. It’s not blatantly out in the open by the groups who do it, so the majority of people aren’t aware.

   The Roma community does this. My girlfriend learned this while working at a bridal shop (one of them featured in “Say Yes to The Dress”) and Roma brides were among the clients. Or rather, both the matriarchs of the bride and groom families were the clients. The bride is the silent and passive participant while the mothers and grandmothers make all the decisions.

5. yeah, it can happen in specific subcultures, like among Indian-Americans. But it’s not a mainstream thing.

   I did an internship in India and several of my coworkers were young women who had recently graduated from college and their families were actively looking for husbands for them. One of them asked me if my family would help me find a husband if I didn’t find one myself and they were fascinated when I said no, that it wasn’t their business.

   What’s seen as normal in India would be extraordinary overbearing in the US.

6. Generally speaking no, but I am aware of certain cultures that still partake in it (South Asian and Middle Eastern).

7. I have a couple coworkers (first generation Americans) whose parents wanted them to do so and their refusal led to some minor family tension.

8. No we don’t treat our women like livestock to be sold off

9. Where I am, it’s not common at all. I know one guy who had an arranged marriage and he and his wife both are originally from India.

10. Only in strange cases among Americans. Polygamous cults do it. Amish and the like can do it. Other than those, the bride gets a choice.

    If you want to see some genuine American weirdness re: marriage. Look at prison marriages. Women marry prisoners who have no hope of getting out of prison(except no hope is not necessarily true anymore).

11. I assume there are tiny niches that do, but generally no.

12. Closest to this happening in the mainstream is your mom trying to hook you up with the daughter of one of her friends from church, and then both children completely ignore that this has occurred.

13. No. Not really. Very occasionally in small religious or racial groups but it’s not at all mainstream.

14. Nothing as formal as India, but in small immigrant or more traditional communities I’d imagine there’s an informal network of “Have I got a guy for your daughter!”

    I’m Jewish and I am sure the more orthodox sects practice arranged marriages, but it tends to be more like the bride is ready to date, they offer her a selection of potential grooms, she meets, chooses (re how much veto power depends on community and norms) and then a wedding happens. So I guess more like India?

    I remember listening to a podcast interviewing a Greek matchmaker and she made a comment that Indian and Orthodox Jews are the majority of professional matchmakers.

15. It is not a normal part of mainstream American culture.

    There are small immigrant communities (like from India) or religious groups that may do this, but they are small and absolutely not a typical thing.

    For the vast majority of Americans, they will never see it, experience it, or know someone who is in such a marriage.

16. Outside of recent immigrants and cults, not really.

17. Among certain immigrant groups it’s pretty common for parents to choose dates. But the kids still make the final decision.

18. I’ve only heard very recent immigrant Indian families do this.

    An Indian-American friend of mine who was born here soon after her parents immigrated met her husband online, and this caused somewhat of a scandal because the two families had to sort of backward “arrange” and negotiate a marriage that was going to happen anyway.

19. There are some pockets of isolated ethnic or religious communities that don’t marry outside of their faith, ethnicity, or culture so it does happen but this is maybe 1 or 2% of all Americans if even that. Outside of those very close-knit communities, arranged marriage is verrry rare.

20. No. Most Americans would find the practice incomprehensible.

    That said, their is a small subgroup that do arranged marriage, all of whom tend to be from India.

21. My coworker went to India to get her arranged marriage then she came back to the US. It’s been over a year and he still is in India because of paperwork problems.

22. Absolutely not

23. Some Indian and Muslim families, religious cults and ultra rich families do this. Others no.

24. Arranged marriages are all but unknown in the US. As others have stated, it may be done in some communities that have a large number of immigrants who have recently arrived from countries where this is a traditional practice, but even then it is unusual. Arranged marriage has never been practiced to any great extent in the US since its founding.

    As u/Consistent-Mix-9803 said, Americans perceive the practice as bizarre and incomprehensible.

25. Not part of the culture/scene, but the smartest guy I ever worked with was from Pakistan and I was a groomsman at his wedding, which was arranged. They are still together and have three grown kids now.