So I (23f) have been seeing this guy (22m) for about 3 months. The other night we started having sex in a sideways position and he started fingering my anus. It took me by surprise but I didn’t really mind and I didn’t say anything. Next thing I knew he penetrated quite aggressively and it was painful. I had never done anal before and I was shocked.
I guess he assumed that when I didn’t object to the finger I was ok with going further and he got caught up in the moment. I’m mostly just hurt because I feel disrespected and slightly degraded. I’m happy to please him but I can’t help but feel wronged by this situation?
Please any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated
28 comments
Rape
Well that’s just rude. Did you tell him it hurt and you didn’t like it either before or after ? Either way, consent is sexy. And I would be questioning on whether to see this dude again
Fuck that had to be painful, sorry to hear that.
Hard to say, he’s 22 that’s pretty young. He probably doesn’t have much experience with sex? He might not have known that anal is … not something spontaneous like that.
Hard to say if it’s that, or if there is a pattern of other aggressive behavior like that. I’d definitely try to communicate how this wasn’t ok. They are in the wrong
I think it’s fair to be a upset by it.
Sorry to hear that. If u don’t like something, say stop or no. If u want to keep seeing this guy, set a time to talk about this. Get it off ur chest and set some boundaries.
You’re entitled to feel how you naturally feel. But this doesn’t sound like rape. It sounds like lack of communication.
How was he to know you didn’t enjoy it if you never told him to stop or gave an indication? To him, as you said, digit penetration might have been his overture to go further.
You should definitely speak with him about your feelings, especially if it’s serious. If he cares for you, he will likely be appalled and work with you to develop your sex life in a way where nobody feels violated or degraded.
It is not ok to push your penis in someone’s ass without explicit consent. This is rape. Do not engage with him again in any way, shape or form, because he doesn’t respect your boundaries and doesn’t respect you.
This is not a “heat of the moment” thing. Ask yourself whether it would be ok for him if you penetrated him anally without warning. I think he would perfectly understand the concept of consent if it were the other way round.
Please call it what it is: sexual assault.
Yea ditch that piece of shit.
Anyone with a smidge of respect for others realize that going for the stinkhole needs to be done slowly and in full mutual understanding.
Yeah you are right to feel wronged about this. Anal is something that you have to build up to slowly with prep and lube and stuff. He probably watches too much porn. If you’re going to stay with this guy, don’t be afraid to straight up tell him that what he did was absolutely uncool. If he protests or tries to throw it back on you, it’s a terrible red flag and I’d say end it. Life’s too short.
think the biggest problem is a lot of people think talking during sex can ruin the mood, so maybe he didn’t ask you directly but you also didn’t tell him no when he started using a finger, think if anything it’s just a lack of community on both sides,
the best thing anyone can do is talk about what happened with each other, or you can choose to not talk.
either way, I’m sorry you went thru a tough situation.
Did you tell him to stop?
He might have got mixed messages if you seemed to like his finger in your butt. But idk.
Personally, I will let him go. Anal sex is about 100% trust, your partner need to be gentle and he has to make sure you are ok with it.
It is all good to play around there and again one should be gentle.
The fact that he did not make sure that you are OK with it and that he did not even try to use lube or anything to prepare you for it, shows a lot about his character.
He is not worthy.
Yeah so he’s a rapist
Yicks and for all of you in the comments trying to find excuses for him yuck, he’s not a child and knows what he is doing
Communication. It doesn’t sound like you told him what you perhaps did not want. If the finger was weird for you, you should have told him to back off. If the penis was even worse, even a better time to tell him NO. Guys usually don’t know what anal is like for women unless they’ve had open communication about the womens perspective and building up to it and consent. Maybe he really didn’t know you didn’t want it since you didn’t say anything. That would be my first guess from what the post says.
that was rape
He was aggressive. Y’all in these comments are fucked in the head to call this anything other than what it actually was/is…sexual assault. He knew it was going to hurt her, he literally didn’t even ask nor did he stop to apply lube because he knew if he stopped to do so his chances to put his penis into someone’s butt in an aggressive manner would be going out the window.
This is NOT normal behavior. It’s not heat of the moment stuff.
You must really like this guy for you not to have stopped him at any point. It’s your body. You have a say in what goes in where and how.
I would never ever ever EVER do that. He assaulted you
That guy just raped you. Sex is consensual not let me see how this feels and get caught up in the moment and do what you want to someone else. That’s called rape. I’ve been raped before and I know that when I got drugged I definitely could not shove them off. In this case you basically experienced someone you were seeing rape you and you being in a relationship with them doesn’t change the definition or meaning of consent.
Not trying to sound rude but it’s kinda both your faults. He put his finger there without asking first and not putting lubrication on and that’s his 50 percent but you not objecting to it in anyway is your 50 percent. Also putting a penis in a anus is kinda painful but with the right steps to prepare yourself it can be quite enjoyable.
Next time , wear a strap on to bed and say ” your turn honey”.
I’ve actually had this happen to me on two separate instances. They were the guys that ended up not being very nice people. Listen to that little voice in your head and ditch him.
What he done is not ok and he does not respect you.
Unfortunately we have a similar story, and I was only able to voice my opinions on the matter long after this guy and I split up, maybe a year after the incident actually happened.
Take my advice and ditch him. He won’t have a whole lot of respect for how you feel about sex and will likely make it feel like it’s your fault for not objecting. A sexually healthy relationship is one which prioritises consent.
This is the sad thing about anal sex … it is a labor of love and it must be mutual . The down side is that the porn industry has made millions of videos in which guys like Rocco , and nacho just drop it balls deep into a females Anus without any issues ….. falls representation at its worst .
Just tell him how you truly feel , it is an act that requires dedication from the female , it is a patient and gentle procedure that with plenty of lube and communication can truly become blissful.
I’m sure his intentions where to please you as well , he just didn’t know better and may have gotten really excited when you allowed the fingers .
Note : it is not for everyone, and I am not at all discounting how you are feeling about the whole thing , but by all means communicate this to him. And take it from that point forward .
Hope this helps.
The ole slip-er-roo…not making light but that’s the attitude guys will have about this.
In all seriousness I would dump him. Press charges if you’d like too. Fuck him. You’re right to be upset. He doesn’t respect you.
Call this guy out and dump his ass. No decent guy just sticks it in without asking……… Sounds like he’s trying to play dumb on top of it.
Edit: I agree with the folks here this is sexual assault.
This is a red flag, there will be many problems to follow. Cut your losses early