Ok here is it. Not sure if I should post this here or a kink subreddit.
Me (29m) and my GF (28f) and I have a great sex life. We have very intimate sex, some pretty rough play, she orgasms multiple times if we are having sex for more than 30 minutes which is almost everytime. I always make her come first and I like to do it multiple times before she makes me come (partially because my energy gets drained when I come). We will sometimes have sex for over an hour late at night and absolutely fuck up our sleep schedule. We explore toy use, the works.
We both like to watch lesbian porn and she likes to give me a bj while I watch. She likes to talk dirty about about other women in her life (some coworkers or friends) while we are being intimate. I really enjoy it. I have encouraged her to go out and maybe have a night with one of the girls for it to lead to more.
A while ago we got drinks with some of her coworker friends and it got pretty rowdy. She saw some of the other girls kissing and I think she liked it. Afterward we went home and had sex but as we were having sex she said “you wanna fuck all my friends”…. WHOOF. Immediately big O… Wow. It definitely was her talking dirty so it was quite the surprise.
She has told me they find me sexy and I do tend to flirt with them but I like to involve her with the flirting. I would like to explore this realm a little more but I want to do it with her because it’s way more fun that way.
My questions are:
– How do I encourage her to explore more of her sexuality here? (She grew up very sheltered)
– Any tips for how to read here feelings about this?
– I want to bring it up in a more clear way OUTSIDE of the bedroom, how do I ensure she is in the right space to talk about this?
Happy to have a discussion about all this.
*Throwaway
9 comments
Sounds like she is already moving in that direction. Your best route here is to keep on encouraging.
PRO TIP: Realize that you want her to come into the desire to explore her sexuality on her own. If you push the issue and make the exploration process seem more about you getting what you want (even if that’s what you want) than the both of you pursuing the journey of discovery together, then she will shut down – the last thing you want!
Sounds like she’s already interested in women but the monogamy part of things is limiting how far she expresses it.
If you want her to explore sexual intimacy with somebody other than you, you also have to be comfortable with her having affection with that other person in a way that might not be symmetrical across your relationship. It’s your responsibility to protect your relationship, but explicitly *not* to restrict her self discovery, so make sure *you’re* in a good headspace for this outside of the bedroom too. G*irl on girl is hot, but include you it might not*.
The last bullet point is a tricky one. Some people like to put sexuality in a box and pretend it doesn’t exist until they’re starting to feel horny. Bring it up in the wrong context and you poison the topic for a while. So, suggestion – bring it up while in a sensual, but not outright sexual context. Whatever that means for her.
I always had fantasies about my wife being with a woman, but, when she actually told me and found a woman to experiment with I was both shocked and turned on at the same time. After a lot of discussion I gave her my blessing to experiment with this woman with no restrictions. After she became comfortable with her newfound sexuality she invited in for a threesome which we continued about once or twice a month for about 6 years..
Bro, you insanely lucky
just saying.
I think honestly, asking her if she wants to have sex with other women is the approach. Maybe after a little wine or weed. Something to make someone more comfortable.
From there, if she says yes. You can talk about who and how. And have her lead that with her friends.
If she says no, say you just wanted to confirm because your sex life is so good that you wanted to confirm it was just dirty talk and that you of course respect it.
If she gets accusatory and asks you. Say only with you baby. That it’s a fantasy but only if you could share it with her.
Good luck! It’s a lot of fun and rewarding.
I hate you 🙂
Seriously, though, don’t push it. Sit back, and enjoy the ride!!!
In my opinion, that situation will lead to relationship destruction, you can’t make sure about feelings and you can’t control feelings, maybe after 2 years she will go and live with this woman and see that she is the safe house for her. Don’t know this js my thoughts iam worry about you.
Your sex life is amazing, but, in my opinion, it would be better to keep it at this level, almost every time, adding another person in sexual relationship, doesn’t end well
Very jealous – wishing you both the best!!