Is something like “Sorry but I don’t think we are a good match” good? The person is super nice so I don’t want to come off as an asshole. Thanks, any help is appreciated

25 comments

  1. Be straight to the point, liking them back is not your responsibility, they’re not your responsibility. Tell them the truth, it’s better to tell the truth than to lie to them just because of guilt.

  2. Why do you feel the need to lie? Just say “I don’t find you attractive”.

    Nobody wants to date someone they don’t find attractive so he should understand. It’s a alid reason not to date someone smh

  3. “Hey there – I think you’re really great. I’m not feeling any spark between us, and I’d feel terrible for wasting your time when you could be sharing your light with someone that brightens up whenever they see you. Go get ’em!”

  4. Are you a man or a woman? If you are a woman, just tell it like it is. No need to sugarcoat. We, men, can take it or rather, we prefer to be told straight up rather than leading us on into thinking that there’s hope. Sure it will sting at first but we can take it and move on easier. This is also effective in weeding out the creepy ones who take no for an answer. Steer clear of those guys.

    Now, if you are a man, break it to her gently and respectfully. Start with “You are a wonderful woman but…” Also, be considerate not to break it to her when she is a long way from home.

    Lastly, if you or the other person are one of the ‘alphabet’ people, I have no idea how to do it in that case so I can’t help you with that.

  5. Just tell him you don’t like him. His feelings are none of your business. Do it like “Hey, I don’t like you, so you also won’t like me for not liking you so let’s just get this over with and get out of each others’ way to avoid future altercations”. But also be polite and say thank you and have a nice day with a friendly tone.

  6. lol these responses are not particularly nice and are also weirdly manipulative and combative? I think your original is great. don’t make it about any specific part of their personality or vibe, just say it’s not a match. if they press for details (which they shouldn’t but people sometimes do), just repeat the messaging that you didn’t feel the connection. this kind of statement is honest, clear, fair and doesn’t blame either of y’all.

    you didn’t indicate this but, in case they are shocked and surprised because they thought it was a sure thing, ask them if they have any specific moments that made them think you were romantically interested. if it turns out that this is a thing that happened, that feedback will be really useful to you going forward — you may be leading people on without knowing it and figuring this out early will save you energy and awkwardness and reduce hurt feelings for others.

    ETA fixed a typo

  7. Be as honest as possible yet as friendly as possible. „You’re nice but I don’t see us dating in any way – there’s just no spark for me. I hope this doesn’t hurt you. I just want to be honest.“

    I wouldn’t lead with the friendship offering tbh – like some suggested – as this could still keep hopes high. (We all know how being hopelessly in love can manipulate our thinking).

    Just a clear, friendly boundary – followed by distance – so she can proper disconnect from her hopes with you.

  9. May I know if the person is super nice why are you rejecting them and not giving it a shot?

  10. I just tell them why. It might temporarily hurt their feelings but in the long run it will hurt their feelings less, even if they don’t realize it.

    For instance, if you don’t like them back because you don’t find them attractive (in my experience this is the most common reason why people don’t like others romantically) then just say that.

    That way they know “oh okay, they just weren’t attracted to me” instead of wondering why.

    I asked my mom about this, because she’s a girl, and she said it was rude and not to tell girls you don’t find them attractive, so I very well could be wrong. My mom legitimately told me to lie and say something like “we just don’t have chemistry” when rejecting someone because I don’t find them attractive. But that seems incredibly wrong and manipulative to me. If you lie and say you don’t have chemistry to someone when you actually do have chemistry then they’ll just end up confused and they’ll know you’re withholding the real reason.

  13. Tell him your a hit it and quit it type girl then to end it nicely tell him he’s lucky he made it to that point.

  14. Do what this girl did to my friend:

    A friend of mine had a mad crash on this one girl. She didn’t like him back. We went to a club and he was trying to dance with her. He wasn’t aggressive about it. You could tell he was floating and seeing Disney birds 🐦 whenever she was around. Anyway, she decided to let him know how she felt in this way,

    Girl takes my friend’s hand and tells him, “*let’s go, come with me*” and whisks him away to another part of the club.

    A minute later he came back alone, dejected 😔

    I asked him what happened

    My friend, “*after she took me with her she asked me if I wanted to dance and I said yes, then she said ‘OK watch this’ and she let go of my hand and started dancing with another guy.*”

    Yeah, he took the *hint*

    OK, but no, don’t do that. Like others have said, be straightforward and even though the person will not like to hear it, they’ll appreciate it in the long run.

  17. Of all the advice you’re getting do yourself and half the population a favor and leave the friend / being friends part out. Most of us have all the friends we need. “I’m sorry, I don’t feel a romantic connection with you.”

    THEN if he/she is a birdbrain and ask to be friends, please save them further and say no. And good luck. Bye.

    I promise you the chance of being harassed or having any awkward encounters later will be greatly minimized. Not totally eradicated, but greatly minimized. Yes, we are all aware how PEOPLE and men can react when rejected. He / she might say the typical, “whatever I didn’t really want you anyways you’re fat and ugly,” or “you’re not my type I was only giving you a chance.” And we all know the story of the fox and the grapes. But more often than not, that will be the last of it.

    What you don’t want is someone trying to be your friend, who comes on Reddit everyday complaining about being in the friendzone and actively trying to get out every chance he/she gets. That’s a recipe for more and further disaster. Just rip the bandaid off and you both move on, even if there’s bleeding.

  18. can someone tell me what you would say to someone in the same situation as OP but a platonic relationship, a friendship. Nice guy but don’t want to be friends because x y z

  19. I would start by thanking them for being open with you about it, then state clearly but empathically that you’re sorry, but you don’t have those feelings towards them—pretty much like you did it here—and follow that by citing some of the things you like about them that makes you want to continue to have them as a friend

  20. I think your statement is fine. People’s feelings are going to get hurt regardless. It’s not your job to manage them. I’ve told people I didn’t think we would be a good romantic match. I’ve been told that too. It’s probably the best way to convey the information. I’ve retained friendships with that line. People deserve a partner who also sees it happening as a good match.

  21. “I had a good time hanging out with you, but I just didn’t feel a spark.”

  23. Whether you approach this strategically or directly, message stays the same. It will be hurtful, regardless of how you bring this.

  24. No response or minimal response is a good first attempt. Kindly remain unaware.

    Subtle redirection with some off topic suggestion is an excellent step two.

    Slightly more serious, direct boundary setting is a good next move.

    After, this your options get a bit more potentially messy, take your pick from these other responses.

    For people that can’t take a hint, their inevitable hurt feelings are not your fault.

  25. There’s no spark for me, I don’t have any reciprocal feelings sorry. Just no chemistry.

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