MY (M28) EX GF (F22) Said “if i want a husband in the future, it will only be you”

46 comments

1. tell her you won’t be available if that happens, and then block her from everything. keeping contact of any kind will just make it harder for you.

2. There’s nothing to do – she doesn’t want to be with you now, so take care of yourself and move forward. Ignore whatever she’s saying about “maybe someday” – that’s not anything you can build plans or hope on. Proceed as you would if you knew it was over forever.

3. I’m going to tell you a truth you probably won’t want to hear: this was very predictable. She made those plans with you at 19 and 20, dude. The vast majority of people do not want all the same things they wanted at 19 as they age, and which plans a given person will change is not predictable ahead of time. The late teens and early twenties are a time for experimentation, exploration, and personal growth. If you want commitment, you should date people who are old enough to have stable life goals and a stable sense of self.

   Let her go: she has wild oats to sow. Find somebody who is ready to settle down.

4. If she had feelings for you she wouldn’t break up with you and risk potentially losing you for good. Ignore the nonsense about saying she’ll “want you back later” and say you’re only interested in working things out with her romantically. If she won’t play ball, don’t sit around- you need to move on

5. “Someday” is almost always just a pretty nothing. Looking at your post history, it’s maybe been a rough few months for you as far as this relationship is concerned.

   First, what you what at 19 is almost never what you want at 22, which is also almost never what you want at 25. She’s still very young and absolutely entitled to want her freedom to pursue her education and explore for a while—and that’s much healthier for her, to be honest, than finding someone to settle down with before 20 and hitting a hard aging crisis at 30 feeling like she gave up her entire 20s.

   Second, and I would expect this from her at her age, but you are certainly getting old enough to be able to see it: when someone says that your relationship existing means you changing your lifestyle, that *usually* means you just want different things from life. Don’t wait for her. Don’t plan on things changing, don’t be the guy waiting around for *if* she wants to get married—decide for yourself that if she does end up wanting a husband that it *won’t* be you.

   Block her (at least for a while). Reconnect with your friends. Spend time on your hobbies. Take some time to heal and you’ll find someone who matches more of what you want in life. I’d suggest looking for a woman who is past that experimental phase in her life so that you can work on building a future that you both want *together*.

6. >What to do in this case?

   Find someone who wants to commit to a monogamous relationship. Your EX is not that girl. She wants to be free and explore.

7. Do the same thing!! Live your life free and explore what you like!
   If it is meant to be, it will be. There’s a whole world of moments waiting for you to experience them. 🥰

   Anytime anyone gives you the opportunity to let go, do it. People come and go, but only what is meant to be yours will stay through thick and thin.

8. Don’t let someone keep you on the back burner just in case her future doesn’t play out the way she expects it to 🫶🏼

9. Sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it too. This isn’t fair to you OP. Cut off contact and start to move forward with your life by learning to let go. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I have been there and it’s not a road to take. She will keep you on a hook and you will just hang there waiting for a day that might never come.

10. You move on with your life. Sure, there is a chance that she may reach out in the future and there is the slightest possibility you could get together. But, you should bet against it. You should remove the possibility from your mind and try to move on. You became serious with a person who was much younger, did not yet see the world, did not yet know herself or what she wants in a relationship… In fact, she has told you this statement – maybe to soften the blow of breaking up – when she has no idea if that will be true because she is just figuring out how to be an adult and figuring out what she wants in life. The best decision you can make is distance yourself from her (no contact, not connected on social media, etc.), take time to heal from this break-up, and then find someone who is compatible and who is close in age/life stage as you are now and carry out your life. Do not be foolish to wait on this ex-girlfriend, put stock into anything she says about the future, hold out for getting back together, etc. She is young and naive, and you need to find someone who has already figured out who they are and what they want as an adult.

11. Ghost her and don’t look back. She’ll be in a relationship soon with somebody else

12. 25 and 19 ? Yeah maybe date someone your age next time

13. Yeah go ahead and let her fuck around. Then take her back and try changing yourself to fit in with her.

    Or I’ll save you your time and tell you what will happen. IF she comes back. She has not much respect for you because you fucked yourself over this badly for her. Let her walk over you.
    You on the other hand, will also have lots of resentment towards her if not for the fucking around then for the fact that you have to change yourself for her, but you don’t get much in return.

    So I can’t tell you what will happen afterwards, but it will be chaos where both of you will be deeply hurt and maybe even traumatized at the end.

    INSTEAD what I’d suggest is become the best guy you can. You can read the book Models by Mark Manson if you want to quicken it, but you don’t have to. And if and when she comes back, you will make a smart decision based on what you want instead of what she wants. Even if you will take her back, dynamics will change. If you don’t take her back (good for you). You will have lots more opportunities with a lot better women.

    Anyways good luck bro

14. “I don’t want you and the way you want to live your life so I’m leaving you, if the other men running through me doesn’t work out I’ll give you another try and hopefully you’re changed by then”

    You’re too focused in life to mess with these girls born after 2000 bro

15. What to do? Forge ahead, never speak to her again.

16. Say bye. Don’t argue with her. Go live you life as if she is someone that you used to know. Because now she is. Block her on all social and phone. Do your best to stay away from her. But if you run into her, don’t be afraid to say hello or give a friendly wave. But don’t try and be the same with her. Work on yourself, but only in the way to improve the short comings you see in yourself not what other people think. Be honest with yourself though. Then when it feels right get back out there and start dating. I know this is hard, but you dodged a bullet in her. She is unworthy of you and she just proved it. Go be happy, Good Luck.

17. I find a lot of people will say pretty nothings, like your ex did with “if I ever want to get married it’d be with you” in an attempt to ease the pain of the breakup. Especially at that age and lack of experience with relationships. I know I did. It’s dumb and does the opposite of the intention. So I would ignore that and just move on. She’s in her early 20’s and you’re almost 30. Of course you want different things. This is one of many reasons age gaps, especially in that age bracket, usually don’t work out. Try dating someone closer to your age who has the same life goals next time.

18. What do you do? You walk away and NEVER look back. She said something to make you feel better and maybe keep you on the hook as a backup plan. Just move on.

19. Walk the fuck on and be thankful you dodged the bullet.

20. You let her go. Next step is to improve your life. Be productive. Move on and work to be a better version of yourself.

21. She wants you to provide for her in the future after she’s been done being ranthrug by other dudes. Go find a new girlfriend who wants to make a family with you. There’s a lot of fish in the sea.

22. I get why she would do that if you have incompatible lifestyles and thinking.

    However, if you do not want to make those changes, I suggest finding someone who wants the same things as you.

    And as an insight, I’m also 22F dating a 29M. I would NEVER hold him back by saying “maybe in the future we can get back together and get married”. I might have more time to waste, but he doesn’t. And holding him back for a couple of years only to waste his time would be a shit move.

    I don’t think she truly means she’ll get back to you in a few years. And even if she does, is this what you want? I always think of it this way – in 10-15 years I’m telling my kids my love story. Would I be proud to tell it like that? Is that something I’d like them to put up with, too? Or even earlier, would you tell this story at your wedding? If you feel the need to hide it, then it’s probably not healthy for you.

    I tend to love my partners more than I love myself and I know what happened to you would send me into a spiral. But please, love yourself and do not accept this kind of treatment. I promise it’s not too late to build a healthy relationship that ends in marriage. You know what would be worse? Waiting 3-5 years for her, only to realize she’s never coming back and only starting to move on then.

23. Focus on yourself. Date someone your own age or similar in future. She’s acting immaturely but that’s normal at her age, and what she wants is also normal at her age – you aren’t at the same life stages.

24. There is someone else – 100% guaranteed!

25. She is chatting sheeeeeeeeeet mate , live your life

26. She’s keeping you hanging & thinking of herself but she’s significantly younger than you & at a different point in her life so this is hardly surprising.
    Wish her well, let her go and move on to someone who is more in the same page as you with what they want in life. If you look for someone closer to your own age you are more likely to find that.

27. Move on and don’t waste more time.
    Speaking as someone who kept getting back together with someone for “one more chance”.
    You deserve a wife that doesn’t leave when it’s not easy for her

28. here let me help “if i changed my mind and i want a husband in the future, it will only be you!” You are my backup plan if shit goes south and need a safety net,

    I want to get on the hop and get some action and live the hot girl summer then once had my fun settle down with Mr chumpo saftey net aka you.

    Dont be mean just wish her all the best block her contacts and move on my lad.

29. Move on bro start dating others
    If you find better than her move on
    Get settled
    Don’t wait for her you will regret

30. She is your ex, her opinions of your life plan now don’t matter anymore than Joe Smoe down the street who you have never met. Tell her as much. Thank hee for the input, but make it clear you aren’t interested in your future plans changing and that if she doesn’t want that life, then you will find someone who does and better suits you. Then tell her you consider the subject over.

31. You both have different goals in life. And that’s fine just pick one in the future that you do share your goals with and you should be happy.

32. Reading your history with this girl, I am advising you completely go no contact and start living your better life, she is toxic and manipulative. She is not the woman you thought she was or one you would be able to be in a stable, healthy relationship with. If you want to be petty, she her a text saying, “Thank You”, then completely block her and don’t respond. Move on and have fun with your friends without her. Go do the activities you are interested in. Find a singles group for that activity. Meet a lot of people and make lots of friends. Be happy you dodged a bullet.

33. My gf told me this too. But I know I’m a catch and I kept pushing and asked her straight up if breaking up was an excuse to fuck other people and she confirmed. She chose random dick over me never spoke to her again besides the time she came back begging for me to be friends with her to date again. Yea right lol

34. My ex bf told me the same thing more or less “maybe one day” and tbh, no. I’ve grown since and I know for a fact I’m never getting back with him. So work on yourself and move on and grow and don’t get back with her.

35. People need to get rid of this idea that “having feelings” or “catching feelings” is a thing that exists in a distinct way and is special and has anything to do with whether you should be together or not or expect to be together. “Feelings” could be anything.

    One of two possible things is happening:

    1. She is saying something nice to you – because she likes you, which is nice but doesn’t mean you two are going to be together – that isn’t really true in any real way but is meant as a comfort. Accept it, say something nice in return, and move on.
    2. She is feeling the pain of loss in a way she hasn’t before and is trying to build a narrative to put it in context that makes it not feel like it’s permanent or her fault, which may include backpedaling on what she said during the breakup in some way. This is understandable, but not a good idea to actually pursue at all – and you really have no smart role in it rather than to just gracefully accept the compliment and say goodbye.

    She is really young. You should let her go. And if she tries to contact you again with “maybe we should be together but I still am going to see other guys and you are going to change” stuff you should block her – it is not good for either of you.

    Of course there are still some feelings – you were together for three years, only a sociopath would have no feelings after three years. Don’t mistake those feelings for any sort of meaningful or “good idea” indication that you’re going to or should get together in the future.

36. It’s her way of keeping you on retainer. Be respectful to yourself and shoot that option down; you’re not a layaway husband. If she leaves, you’re not gonna be waiting for her.

37. You started dating someone who was 19 when you were 25, expecting her to stay consistent was setting yourself up for failure. You can’t expect an ‘agreed upon early’ plan made by someone who is 19 to manifest in what she actually does with her life. That’s asking too much from someone barely out of high school, and now that she’s out of college and actually doing the whole adult thing, you can’t be surprised that it turns out she isn’t the same person she was when she was starting college.

38. Sounds like she’s just pushing it to either make you feel better or use you as a back up course- end it mentally and physically, block her if at all possible.

    3 years is hard to run away from but you need to move on and find yourself only and don’t look into changing yourself to fit her ideal image of you. Heal yourself ONLY for yourself. You will find a woman who will love you for you and wouldn’t want you to change a damn thing about yourself.

    I wish only the best for your future, friend.

39. You let her go and dont become her plan B, be free and move on. She made her choice, dont take her back.

40. I think she means “I want to experience with new people but if that doesn’t work out I’ll come back to you”

41. This is some 22 year old stuff to think and also say, don’t give it a second thought!

42. Let it go and hit the gym, bud. She’s either a) trying to ease your pain or b) keep you on a string. Either way, she wants something different and that’s fine, it’s time for you to proceed on without her.

43. Move on, no one deserves to be somebody else’s backup plan. Focus on yourself and build a wonderful life. You will find someone else and if she does come back in the future it will be too late for her. If she really wanted you she would have chosen you. She has decided exploring is more valuble than your relationship. If it was just for academics there is no reasom she couldnt explore academics and studies with you.

    It sounds to me like she want to explore other people and come back to a stable good man after she’s had her fun. I would cut her off completely.

44. She is not in the same place you are. And forget about the “if I change my mind”, like you’ll be waiting around for her and you will never find anyone better. Move on, live your life. That’s it. Things will fall into place.

45. Translation is I currently want something “better,” but if I can’t find it, will you take me back?

    Answer: peace out, homie, enjoy that train ride!

46. Stop wasting your time with someone who isn’t in the same place as you. Find someone that wants what you want. Trust me, there are girls lining up the block for a dude that are looking for something serious.