Hi all, serious advice needed. It’s been a 7 years relationship and we have moved in together for the last 6 or so months.
The problem is simple, whenever it is just the two of us, she is amazing and caring. We are in good terms for almost everything. However, she seems to be super overreacting negatively with whatever has to do with my family, especially with my mother (no wonder). For example, last time she got upset because I was telling some jokes in my mother and was making her laugh and when we got back home she was in bad mood. If I act too sweet with them same deal… Things like that… like why do I go for quick visits to my parents too often like 2-3 times a week (they are just 10 minutes away).
Personally, that’s how I am and it’s not that there has been a serious problem with my family against her or anything like that so far. She just doesn’t like their personality and character I guess. The main problem is that I get really sad deep inside me and ruins my mood every single time, even if it’s for meaningless reasons like the above.
Should I end things now or just learn to live with it all?
TL;DR my fiance keeps being megative against my parents even for minor reasons.
8 comments
Since you asked, have a conversation with her, but if things don’t change then I’d end things now. I don’t think that’s sustainable in a long term relationship.
Do you guys plan on having children? Because I can see how this attitude would make having kids real difficult. And even without kids, what if your parents need extra help? What is your relationship with her parents?
I feel like we’re missing some important information. You say “she just doesn’t like their personality and character I guess” – so what is it? Have you not actually spoken to her about this? Either your girlfriend is being irrational or you have some big blind spots for your family who are obnoxious towards your girlfriend and you enable them.
People are strange. My girl I brought her over and introduced her to my family. They loved her, practically wanted to induct her into the family as a group almost right away. She avoids coming over when any of them are there, and gets distant when I mention how much they like her. So who knows? WTF? Who hates being liked by other people?? Sorry it’s a touche subject I didn’t realize was touche till I saw your post.
This is not a minor thing. She’s manipulating you to cut you off from your family and anyone else. If the tables were turned and it was you making it difficult for her to see her family everyone and their mother would be on your back screaming abuse. Don’t underestimate it just because it’s a woman doing it. In normal relationship the partners support each other and respect that they have family and friends. Good GF wouldn’t let you feel guilty for seeing your own family even if she didn’t get along with them. This is very concerning behavior. Be careful here.
My ex would drag me to anything her family was doing. Berate me every single time we left for SOMETHING I did or said wrong.
My family would bust their ass to be nice to her. When it came time to go to any of my family things she’d start up a whole stink, start a fight with me. Talk serious shit about my family, how they suck, how they’re mean, etc. all lies made up in her head. Isolating me was her goal.
Eventually after she started physically assaulting me and I left her I realized something
Her family dynamic was not healthy, not nice, and they were not good people. “After I left her, her father tried to fight me in a grocery store. It’s been over 5 years. I’m now married to my best friend and yet her father yelled at my mother in the grocery store less than a year ago”. Just crazy, bigoted maga people.
Just idk man, but like it sounds like to me that she could be trying to isolate you from your family.
Fwiw my wife now is good friends with my mother and my brother and his wife. We all hang out from time to time and enjoy each others company.
My ex was such a two faced mean spirited person and she didn’t even recognize herself or her actions or how they hurt me. She truly was incapable of empathizing with me in any aspect but would yell and proclaim how much she cares about others more than they do.
It was crazy shit yo.
Last I talked to her brother he was really nice to me and told me he’s basically become estranged from his family because they just kept getting worse and worse. Sad but predictable.
Get an outside opinion of the situation. Ask a good friend whom you trust.
Don’t just learn to live with it. Assuming you don’t have a bad relationship with your family.
My wife had a good relationship with my family until having a kid during covid. Then her ability to be civil about different religious/political/social differences went out the window and has made it hard for my kid to see my side of the family. Makes things tense and difficult for everyone.