My boyfriend (M38) and F(30) broke up today. I left while he was working because previously I tried leaving with him home and it didn’t go well. He picked fights with me over the smallest things and had such a controlling dynamic. We met over a year ago after he had been divorced for 4 months (way too soon) and we tried working through a lot of issues.
He was cheated on a few times during his 10 year marriage and after #3 he called it. Things were great between us for about 4 months, but soon after his trust issues got really bad. He wouldn’t let me stay at home alone without permission (and still hated it), would always play tit for tat during arguments saying I was the one who started problems, would get upset if I asked him to stop doing something during sex, and begged me to let him track me. He also complained about taking me out to dinner and would not do dishes even after I cooked. I still feel like I can’t do anything right.
I pushed back and told him I wasn’t comfortable with tracking at this point. Mind you, I was with him pretty much all day and night since we both mostly work from home. Today I reached a breaking point and packed all my things, luckily getting out of there before he returned. We spoke briefly on the phone before I stopped contact for the rest of the night. He tried calling me 10 times at 1AM and sent a barrage of texts including saying that I was probably slutting around, that I’d shown my true colors, that I was never willing to share my location, etc etc. I never cheated. All because I didn’t answer the phone and he couldn’t handle it. I was literally sleeping.
I know it doesn’t really matter anymore because the relationship is over, but I am really going through it right now. It’s taking everything for me not to text him some hard truths, but I also feel maybe ignoring is best at this point. I never felt heard and I did so much for him.
Support would be awesome right now. Advice too if anyone is willing. Thank you.
TLDR: My ex boyfriend accused me of slutting around and cheating after I left him. He had horrible trust issues after a divorce and scrutinized me for everything. His accusations hurt me a lot. I want to respond to the messages with my feelings, but I’m not sure if I should?
6 comments
You’re doing the right thing for yourself even if it’s hard right now. My advice would be to just entirely block him, you don’t have to defend yourself to his false accusations and you blocking him would mean that you don’t have to see all these nasty comments. Dude sounds unhinged and abusive, let him rant at a wall.
I wouldn’t respond to the messages unless you’re looking for a fight. He’s not capable of being rational at this time/point in his life. He needs his own therapy, and I recommend the same for you. Anyone processing a divorce or cohabitation should be able to talk it through.
OP, you definitely made the best decision for you. He was not in a good state of mind to start a new relationship. I feel sorry for him being cheated on, but I still don’t think it gave him an excuse for treating you like crap. Currently, he has no trust for any woman, not just you. The best thing you did was get away before it got worse. And it will get worse if you stayed or gotten back with him.
Ignore him. Block his number and block him on social media. There is absolutely no point texting him hard truths. He will not admit any of it and it will not give you the closure you want. Worse, he might manipulate you into taking him back.
Be strong OP and stay safe.
You’ve dodged a bullet, good job for getting out before you got dragged further and further down that hole.
Block, move on, enjoy the rest of your life.
Block him everywhere. Don’t let him into your head because he won’t leave it alone as you’ve dented his ego.
It’s not your fault he was cheated on so you don’t have to listen to any of his petulant cruel taunts.
He’s lashing out and you’re the available person so make yourself unavailable by blocking him.
Tell your friends/family and ask for their help in moving on with meet-ups, chats etc. You’ll be fine! You did the right thing.
Refused to give you space, blamed you for everything, got UPSET when you had boundaries during sex??, wanted to track you (!!!!), didn’t want to do anything for you or the household.
So. Why do we care what he thinks again? Like you could’ve been the perfect girlfriend, and he still would’ve thought you cheated. HIS trust issues have always twisted how he viewed you, regardless of what you ACTUALLY say and do.
Do you really think he’s going to listen and take in your “hard truths?”
Maybe he’ll pretend to, just to lure you back to his smothering household for some more coerced sex, and a return to your maid duties. And he’ll make sure you can’t leave this time.
Wake up and be happy you’re FREED from this sludge pile of a person. He was treating you like a slave, not a human being.
**BLOCK HIM** he’s terrifying!