Everything related to money, houses, cars, electronics clothes.
We discussed: “If I become a bilionare you are also a bilionare”. He said that no, if he becomes a billionare, sure, he will give me a lot of money but that doesn’t mean that I am also a billionare. He said that if I am a billionare it doesn’t mean that he is also a billionare. We recently had a discussion about this.
How should I react to this affirmation? What should I say to him, especially when I would share everything with him? Am I wrong?
TL;DR: my partner doesn’t think his money is my money and vice versa.
11 comments
Depends how long you’ve been together and what boundaries you’ve established. Some people share finances early in their relationship (especially younger ones) some wait til marriage and some never do. If it’s something that bothers you you should ask him if/when he wants to do that.
It’s not right or wrong, it’s just different outlooks. I like to share everything with my wife, and love that. Ofc there are possessions that are mine or hers though.
Some couples keep their finances incredibly separate. Some don’t. It might be a compatibility thing
You’re not wrong.
You just have different perspectives.
You’re not married so you’re not entitled to anything of his nor is he entitled to anything of yours. If yall get married, things get different. That’s where things like prenuptial agreements come into play.
In general, however, I don’t think “what is mine is also yours” is a good mentality.
You’re two individuals with your own individual wants, needs, desires, hobbies, enjoyments, etc….as such, there should be some healthy boundaries around your belongings, your finances, and your space.
My husband and I share finances (we put money into a joint account that covers bills etc, we then move some across to joint savings and then have an equal amount of amending money sent to personal accounts that’s pure “me” money and the other person has no say in how it’s spent. We discuss joint account spends >£50.) now either one of us wins the lottery, we’ve win the lottery.
We also didn’t get to this stage until we got married, prior to that we supported ourselves and took turns paying for dates. If he’d become a billionaire at that point, I wouldn’t expect him to split it with me.
Depends on how far along in the relationship you are. If you are married — well yes, thats how combined assets work. Though even there, you’ll still have things that are just yours, gifts, stuff. Not everyone combines their assets when married. Some people have prenups that outline what money the other is entitled to. Other married partners just keep their finances separate and have a pooled account for shared expenses.
When you aren’t married, absolutely not. You need to protect your assets until you are reasonably sure that you’ll never need to divide them again, and if you do you’ll have legal protections.
For the billionaire scenerio. I don’t think your boyfriend remotely grasps how much a billion dollars is. If he loses half his billion in a divorce, he’s still going to be so absurdly wealthy his lifestyle won’t change a bit.
You guys are also 22 and 23. He likely isn’t thinking of you two as a unit/life partnership yet. I’m not saying his opinion ever will change, but I’m not surprised at his age that he isn’t thinking of you guys as so jointly yet.
Maybe after marriage
How long have you been together
I think every relationship and situation works differently and whatever works for the people in the relationship is fine. But I do lean on the side of keeping at least some things separate – getting into situations where one person has to account to the other for everything, or doesn’t have the resources to leave if they need to or to see to their own basic needs, is a really bad idea. So “what’s mine is mine, what’s yours is yours, and we both contribute out of mine and yours to a separate pot that is ours” is what works best for me.
But yes, some of this is purely about legal statuses. If you’re married, there might be laws about shared assets that matter more than what either of you have as a personal philosophy about money.
There is a lot of give and take in every long term relationship. My future husband supports me now (while I am in college) and I plan on making sure he retires early! He deserves it! I guess it just depends on your outlook. He would never take advantage of me, and I would never take advantage of him, so finances (whether I’m the one with more at a given time, or he is the one with more at a given time) haven’t ever felt like “what’s mine is yours” directly, it just kind of happens on its own because we are a team.
I think it depends on what’s right for you. If I was dating someone who said that, I’d dump them in a flash because it’s a deal breaker. But for some people it matches their values.