What did you tell yourself at the time to make yourself feel better about what you were doing? Do you still feel that way now?

28 comments

  2. I’m more of a narcissist. I don’t cheat not because it’s unethical but because I think it makes me look like a pussy. Why would I hide it? I’m cooler than that, I’ll break up with her over the phone and go with someone else. I know it sounds cringy asf but that’s genuinely what goes through my head. I think cheating is not having the balls to tell your partner you don’t like them anymore.

  3. For 3 years she always accused me of cheating and always had an issue with me talking to any females whether it was my coworkers ,manager or a cashier, But it was okay for her to invite her ex over to do some electrical work around the house and i was just over reacting.

    On top of all that she was saying some very racist shit to her friends about me, Also when her friends asked her why she chose me her response was “He is too nice of a person to hurt me and i can control the relationship to how i want”.

    So yes cheating is wrong and there’s no justification for it but i don’t regret it.

  4. Just being a stupid teenager with a brain that wasn’t fully developed at the time.

    Never cheated in any adult relationship.

  5. I had really no justification. My needs were just too big too be fulfilled and I couldn’t resist not flirting and grabbing the opportunity. Looking back, I just wanted more experience, but simultaneously not loose what I had. I am not proud of it.

  6. I was just selfish. I didn’t tell myself anything to justify it. I did what I wanted at the time without a single thought of anyone else’s feelings or any repercussions.

    Much later in life, through some pretty intensive trauma therapy I discovered that I was molested at 14, it wasn’t consensual and that I used sex as a coping measure to stress responses because of PTSD from my own childhood trauma. ACEs score of 9.

    I blew up a pretty good marriage and caused a lot of hurt to my kids.

  7. Was in a committed relationship that I wasn’t satisfied with sexually. Everything else was great, but sex sucked and wasn’t going to get better.

    I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

  9. The relationship was over due to something sue did, i just hasn’t spoken to her yet. Turns out, she was on a date at the time too 🤷🏾‍♂️.

  10. She cheated first, twice.

    So it was just petty revenge, but damn it felt good.

    Even dumped her after over text for the other girl.

  11. I was in 4th grade, the answer key was right in front of me flipped over. Just out of arms reach. When we were done with the homework, we could go out to recess. Other kids were finishing ahead of me. I did what I did, I am not proud.

  12. Well.. 3 weeks in she started getting distant and cold.
    I knew a ghosting was on the horizon – this wasn’t my first rodeo.

    I re-instated my Tinder and started the process to find someone new.
    She got PISSED and said I was cheating and that she wasn’t pulling away, she just has an issue with being cold.

    Fast forward 3 months later and I had caught her lining up a PPM with a sugar daddy of hers.
    Yeah.. you read that right.

    She swore she hadn’t been seeing him since we started dating, but the conversation log i found didn’t line up with her claim.

    Anyway, I did the Tinder thing again and found matched with some people.
    She accused me AGAIN of cheating while firmly maintaining that what she did was an Honest mistake.

    We were living together by then (collage students, and dorms and all that).

    Anyway.. Non-of that mattered in the end because later I found out she was operating as a Sugar Baby since before I even met her and she continued those arrangements the entire duration of our relationship.

    In 20/20 Hindsight I recognize that Hitting the Tinder market to line up a backup plan instead of properly communicating with my partner was the wrong move to make. It’s better to directly settle things and go from there rather than to play Game of Thrones style games trying to set yourself up with backup plans while things are still up in the air.

    I defiantly won’t be playing things that way again as it’s just too much of a headache really..
    But I recognize that I was conditioned to move like that after years of Flakey Tinder date relationships.

    I don’t fuck with Online Dating Apps anymore ether – It’s just wading through Human sewage looking for Diamonds, but Diamonds aren’t in the sewer.

  14. Justifying, implies that i was looking for reasons it was just. I really didn’t know why I did it at the time, even a week later I did some soul searching. I was drunk when I did it, and so was the partner. The drunkness wasn’t why I did it, but inhibited something else. I wondered if a small unacknowledged crush became sexual advances when I was drunk. There is truth to that, but as time went on I came to the conclusion that the person I cheated with had attributes that I was missing in my relationship. I could workout with that person, I didn’t fight with them, they were easy going. My relationship was filled with fighting. I also wasn’t myself in my relationship. The person I cheated with travelled and seemed to have a life that I wanted for myself too.

    I think it came down to, being drunk disinhibited deeper and more prevalent desires and dissatisfactions I had in my relationship that I would have trudged on with and never acknowledged.

    It took me a long time to “know” why I cheated. I wandered around for a long time asking myself “why did I do that?”

    In short, there was someone who reminded me of what I needed out of life, and my needs were not being met where I was. If I had more awareness of those things, I may have broken up with my girlfriend earlier, but it took the cheating for me to wake up. I hate that I hurt her, but I am also grateful that I know myself better, which can keep me from hurting someone in the future.

  16. Lied to myself. Say things like “well your a p.o.s and this is part of it sooooo….lets try and feel this emptiness inside with disrespect for your own well being and safety and your partners”…….been working on forgiving that old version of myself for a looonnnng time. Nothing like that anymore… finally got the help I knew I needed but ignored. Thank you God.

  18. I haven’t, but i really wanted to. I kept getting accused of cheating and after a long, long time (we’re talking years) i had gotten myself into a “fuck it, might as well do what i’m constantly being accused of” mindset.

    We broke up instead.

  19. Not in any way justifying it. It was a terrible decision that fucked my life up. I was in a very toxic relationship with someone who was actively trying to pull me further away from my family and succeeding. At that point, I was 21, stupid, and thought that, by cheating, I could sabotage the relationship and she would want to leave me. It worked. But I wish I had been as adult about it and just broke things off when I knew they weren’t gonna work. Yeah, not my proudest moment. Spent thousands of dollars of my own money on therapy to fix some issues afterwards

  20. I did. My experience snuck up on me. I was getting emotional abuse and quite frankly a lot of disrespect from her and I felt isolated at the time. I was more disturbed from my dad committing suicide at the time than I understood. Someone came around who expressed appreciation and understanding of me and things happened incrementally until we shared too much. Didn’t set out to do it.

  21. “I’ve never experienced this (or someone like this). I need this experience.”

    I was immature. I needed the validation and didn’t know how to be honest with myself. Now I know how to communicate better and what I need out of my relationship(s). I’m also braver. I was too much of a coward to admit that I wasn’t fulfilled; it wasn’t her fault, of course. I just needed more experience in life and to be honest about it. I was too busy following the script that society puts on us (find a relationship and build a life with that person) when really what I wanted was to go on this journey with no attachments.

  22. Don’t. Just own up to it. There is no justification. Cheaters are unfaithful, impatient, instant-gratification type people who *choose* not to practice restraint. There is no excuse.

  23. I justified it because there was a line I wouldn’t cross. It’s not cheating if there’s no sex, no kissing but the secret lasted the 9 years of our relationship. And emotional cheating is a stupid concept – is how I justified it. So no sex of any kind but there was a lot of flirting, lots of sexual tension, and a deep friendship that went on for years before I even met my partner. When my partner found out, it shattered the foundations of our relationship and 9 years together broke apart.

  24. When I caught my ex, he told me it was an accident. Apparently he emailed her for weeks, drove to another city and apparently fell on her with his pants open! Accidents happen!

  25. It had been about four or five years since my wife even looked at me with sexual interest. She began to hate and resent me. I tried everything from therapy to couples counselling, then she finally broke my will by trying to bully me into buying a house. When I refused she handed me divorce papers. After that while we were still technically married I fell for a girl at work who dropped me the instant I told her about my divorce.

  26. I ALMOST cheated on a girl when I was 19. There was no real justification. I was just an asshole who thought he was too good for just one woman I guess. Thankfully, I canceled the plans and broke up with that girl the next day. I still feel shitty about it, but I came clean and apologized like a year later.

  27. Definitely not something I could ever get past.. that is my cardinal rule.. you want to cheat at least show enough respect to break it off. The blaming of the other person shows how incredibly immature and weak the blamer is. If she did something that bad then man up and end it don’t use it as an excuse to justify that you lack the trait that defines us as human beings.

  28. Well I was unsatisfied sexually in my last relationship and I felt like burden to her from some of the stuff she would tell me just because she made more money than me. Then I met someone I clicked with and she was way more attractive than my ex and was very open about how she wanted to have sex with me so eventually I gave in because I wanted to have amazing sex with an attractive petite woman because I wasn’t getting it with my ex. So I did it and regretted it and I felt like shit after. Broke up with my ex and started seeing the new girl I cheated with but soon realized that she was a crazy woman with a ton of issues. So I broke it off with her too and now I’m single but I learned from all my mistakes I made and I’ll never cheat again. I also know now that if a woman makes me feel like burden I should discuss it with them and then move forward instrad of cheating then breaking up without ever telling the person I cheated. Till this day I carry thst guilt and I hope one day I can forgive myself for my mistake. I was selfish in what I did and there is no justification for it.

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