Stop relying on your partner for your happiness.

I watch thread after thread in this sub titled “my spouse won’t..” or “my spouse doesn’t”.. and the content of the post typically refers to how the spouse is doing everything wrong and doesn’t make you happy. Then, it’s inevitable, you want a divorce.

Here’s some alternative thinking: since when was it their job to make you happy? There are exceptions to this rule, but once you get your mind wrapped around the philosophy, you may see your marriage change.

When you met, when you got married, you had a honeymoon period. During that time, you’d do anything to make your partner happy. What’s the difference between then and now? Back then, it made YOU happy to make THEM happy. You did this from a place of selflessness, out of love and so did they. However, over time, you began to expect this treatment and slowly, you forgot that the positive treatment you received was a result of how you treated them. Whenever tension arose, you began to pull back from your practices of selflessness, you began leaning on them for your happiness. If they didn’t make you happy, you certainly wouldn’t reciprocate. Also, you left behind parts of your individual life that once defined what made you have joy and a lightness, that was once attractive to your partner.

I encourage you to recenter yourself on finding you first, what made you a happy person before you first met. If it means going to counseling alone, then do it. Maybe going to a support group, go. It’s not up to them, to pick you up. Then dig deep and begin practicing those things you used to love to do with your partner, even if it’s met with rejection. The fact is, if doing it makes you happy, it still will, regardless of how it’s received.

Then maybe, just maybe, you’ll see your partner come around. Stop getting divorced. Fight for your marriage. If nobody does, I’ll believe in you. Marriage is a good thing. Work on yourself and take your happiness into your own hands.