Some background: my ex BF and I are friendly. We didn’t have a great break up (ie screaming and I’ll never speak to you again kind) that occurred in our 20s. I broke things up with him because I wanted to dater other people.
Later we both moved on and he reached out of the blue to make peace with me and we would maybe send emails every 1-2 years. He always initiates. I don’t feel a strong need to reconnect so I would respond with my updates but since we were both with someone that was enough for me. Later we both got married with our SO and had kids and life became more busy.
At some point I helped him with some career advice and a few months later he wanted our families to meet up as they were going to in town. I was really not interested because that seemed awkward as f for my spouse and presumably his. He’s said in the past his spouse has encouraged him to reconnect with me. I felt uncomfortable saying no but also didn’t want him to ask me again in the future so I ignore the message. Figured since we emailed rarely it would not be an issue. But then he kept emailing me and with more frequency, another one in 6 months and another one in 2 months. Always general emails like hey wife and kids are good, how are you? Etc.
I think it is truly friendly, there is zero romantic feelings. But at this point should I write back or continue to ignore the message. I really wish it could have just gone back to our 1-2 year platonic check ups but then the step up in communications felt uncomfortable to me. It also seems inappropriate for me to invest in this friendship now that we’re both married.
Now another tidbit – when we were together in our 20s, he also used to like to reach out to old flames to maintain his friendships. They were always cordial but I’ve always found it weird. He would always tell me afterward and be nonchalant about it and I’d be like WTF. It was something that I really hated but was not mature enough to voice at that time.
Question – should I ghost entirely or come clean about how I feel regarding his emails?
1 comment
You should tell him if you don’t want to stay in contact so he’s on the same page. I’d maybe reply with a final life update, then tell him after much reflecting you would appreciate ending this chapter of your life, and you wish him all the best in the future. Doesn’t have to be mean, but just be clear you would like to end contact.