My boyfriend’s sister is driving me insane, and I don’t know what to do about it.

A few months ago my[24F] boyfriend’s[25M] parents moved out of state, leaving his sister[19F] behind to face homelessness. They’re abusive and wanted to get rid of their “legally an adult” children to have their own fun. Whatever. She moved into our house along with her two cats.

Since then, we’ve spent the time trying to include her and encouraging her to use the time she’s living with us to become more self-reliant. When she came to live with us, she had a part-time job as a waitress and spent the rest of her days working 9-5 as a trade apprentice, which pays based on commissioned works done, not hourly. She doesn’t pay rent, and only thing we’ve asked her to pay for since she moved in is 1/3 of the cat food and their litter(we have one cat of our own). She quit her waitressing job about a month after moving in.

We’ve recently been trying to get her to take more responsibility in our house as she doesn’t clean up messes she makes, do chores in the house, or contribute financially. We suggested that she start paying $50/month in exchange for us cleaning out our office and letting her have it as a bedroom. She objected to paying rent, saying she “needs to save money to get a place” and she’s “not making enough to afford rent”. When we ask her if she’s been taking commissions at work, she says she doesn’t feel confident enough to do a good job so she hasn’t. We’ve suggested going to therapy to help build confidence, and she says she has no money for therapy and “won’t talk to the therapist anyways so it’s worthless”.

Recently, my boyfriend and I were exposed to someone who later tested positive for covid. We told her this before coming home, and she decided to go stay at the shop she apprentices at for the week. We offered to let her stay at my family’s house for free so she would have a room, a comfortable bed, and a shower, but she refused. We tested negative a week later. One week became two, then three, and she still hasn’t returned home save for once to clean the cat litter then leave immediately(without even saying hi to her cats).

Today, we hear from her that she’s going to be living with her boss and his family. She tells us that it’s “a better deal” because they told her she could have a room in their house for free. She lets us know she can’t find a place for her cats, and asks how much it would be for us to house them for her. My boyfriend told her we need her to pay 2/3 of the food, all of their litter, any damages to our stuff or the house(her cats have done about $200 in damages to our home already and she brushed it off with “They’re cats, what do you expect?”), and told her she needs to be coming by nightly to clean up their litter box. She agreed to this.

Honestly, I’m pissed by it. We’ve offered to help at every opportunity and every time it’s turned away or taken without so much as a “thank you”. I know that sounds really petty, but we’ve put so much time, effort, and money into housing her and her cats and nothing changes. She’s not working, she’s not trying to work on her mental health, she’s not trying to become more self reliant. We’re honestly so worried about her, but she doesn’t care at all. We don’t want two extra cats and I don’t foresee her taking care of them at all. My boyfriend and I are burnt out by the stress of the situation and have been arguing about what to do for weeks now. He thinks that everything is fine and we just need to do the “right thing” for her, but at this point my patience and good will for the situation have all but run out. I’m angry that she spent so long using our good will to live expense free, then moved on to another person as soon as we asked for any kind of contribution to the house. I’m angry that we’ve been saddled with two extra animals we don’t want. I’m angry that nothing has changed or gotten better. I’m really worried about her and what’s going to happen when her boss starts asking for rent.

What do I even do in this situation? It feels hopeless. We wanted to move across country next year, but we don’t want to take two extra cats with us. She said she doesn’t have a plan but “will hopefully be in an apartment on my own by then”.

TLDR: Boyfriend’s sister and two cats moved in with us. Doesn’t pay rent, do chores, clean up after herself, or work. When we asked for $50/month rent she moved in with her boss because it’s “a better deal”(rent free) and wants us to continue to house her cats for the foreseeable future.