As in, PIV. We haven’t been together long and because we live in different cities we’ve only had one sexual encounter so far but no intercourse. We made out a lot and I gave him oral. Over messages, he sent me a bucket list of sexual things he wants us to try. So in response, I brought up wanting him to fuck me and he said something about compromise. I asked him what he meant by that and asked is he not into that. His response was this: “Now that you mention it I have to admit it isn’t anything I’d particularly want, but I’m fine doing it baby”. It hurt me a lot I admit. I felt unwanted and undesired. I don’t know if he added he’s fine doing it to make me feel better but it made me feel worse because even if we did do it it was just be to appease me and he doesn’t actually want it.
Is there any chance this relationship can still work? I care about him a lot and want to be with him but we seem to want different things sexually.
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I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to have sex with their gf or bf especially at the beginning of the relationship, surely attraction is what it is all about, we are animals after all and this is our basic human instinct
Maybe it’s a values thing? Is he experienced at all?
Most women don’t rate PiV very high in terms of pleasurability. Lots of young men are picking up on this. He might genuinely think he’s trying to be romantic or sex positive or maybe he’s got weird preferences or maybe a million different silly reasons that probably aren’t actually that big of a deal if y’all just spoke bluntly with each other rather than play this demoralizing guessing game.
I don’t… Like, you literally got a list of sexual things he wants to do with you. Why focus on the one half-rejection-but-probably-just-bad-at-smooth-talk you got? Does that list of things sound fun to you? Is that not the validating, explicit desire you kind of expect?
Well what was some of his sexual list?
Did it involve piv at all or was it like anal and oral only?
This is simply a sexual compatibility thing. Not wanting PIV says nothing about how desirable or wanted you are. If you strongly desire PIV and strongly desire to be in a relationship with someone who wants it as much as you do, this is likely not the right match for you.
Maybe he’s trying to remain a “virgin” for cultural/religious reasons and thinks that putting it anywhere except the vagina is “safe” and won’t get him in trouble?
I wonder if he only said he was fine with it to string you along, just to deny you when the situation actually presents itself.
After he tries it once, he may change his attitude
Weird af, is he secretly gay?
Did you explicitly ask him why he’s disinterested in PIV? He gave you a list of things she does want to do, so it doesn’t sound like an attraction/desire issue. Has he ever had PIV sex before?
He sent you a bucket list of things he wants to do with you so it’s definitely not an attraction problem.
Early on into relationships, I’m happy giving and receiving hand and mouth stuff it personally takes me a while to want to do piv with someone.
Why not get an actual boyfriend in your city, rather than an almost virtual one?
I’m very confused how this dude has a sex bucket list but none of that includes actual sex. I’m lost