This was the first time and I’d told him I hadn’t even had a finger in there before and to go slow and not put his penis in.
Without checking how i’m feeling or if I liked it he started putting his middle finger in then started trying to put his penis in.
I feel disappointed in him for not checking in with how I was feeling and doing what I vocally said I didn’t want.
This morning I feel upset. I know I need to talk to him but i’m not sure the best way to do it. All advice welcome.
10 comments
That’s so odd. I literally just made a post about my first time experience last night. I really enjoyed it but I enjoyed it because I 1) asked my bf to do it in the first place because I’ve never done it and 2) the entire time he talked to me and made sure I was comfortable the entire way. I’ve been with a guys about three years ago who did not warn or ask or prompt me or anything and tried to insert his whole penis in me without even asking. He attempted, and shoved, and it didn’t work and as a result it was hard for me to walk for like two days. I felt very violated. He definitely ripped some skin without even asking. I think the most important thing is communication and mutual agreeance. Do not be around someone who can’t even give you that decency, people can’t just shove things into your butt like that. It is not okay.
You can not force these things. It’s a shame he feels he can.
Can you sit down and talk about it? You were open to play, the next step can be big, and it definitely needs preparation.
I am sad for you he didn’t respect your choice in this.
I mean, he is your husband and i believe you both love each other. So, it’s better if you talk with him. He will understand for sure!!
This is a huge red flag and I would be extremely upset and feeling my trust was broken at the very least. Be on the lookout for any more pushy behaviour that disregards your boundaries. It might not be the case for you, but for a lot of people, this is exactly how a lot of abuse starts and it only escalates from here. Take care of yourself and don’t do anything you don’t truly want.
Erm im confused? Why did you not say something to your husband during?
This is rape.
Did you forget how to communicate when it happen?
Looks like your husband just wanted to play but became too much excited and forgot in the moment what you said and now he might be feeling disappointed and upset himself. Maybe it’s better to talk to him. I know you are upset too but forgiving one another and a good communication is what makes a relationship strong.
You’re going to have to have a proper conversation with him about this to clear the air. Don’t just try and forget about it. He’s your husband and I’m sure he loves you. Is this something you would try again in the right circumstances? I have had quite a lot of Anal sex with partners over the years. You need to be relaxed, use plenty of lube and tell him to take his time. He shouldn’t go from one finger to his penis, he should at least go to two fingers then maybe three. It gets easier with practice and I find it quite erotic. It may not be your thing at all though in which case he must respect your wishes. Set out ground rules and have a safe word, ensure he has a clear understanding of what that word is and he must immediately stop if you say it, no excuses.
Yeah this is tough. I have never been into butt play (M) but I jokingly have asked my wife if she would ever consider it. She is a HARD no. I have even grazed her butt hole with my finger before and she reminded me how much she hates it …
My point is you have to be consistent and direct… we are dummies when our penis takes charge