I’m (33F) currently on vacation with my husband (32M) in Istanbul since Tuesday. For the past few days, he’s been saying he wants to go home to play EA Sports FC and he just wants to stay in the hotel room all day. He said there’s nothing to do here except see buildings, but then whines that we’ve been sight seeing everyday. I suggested some places to checkout. Today is our last full day in Istanbul and he’s been spending it all day in the hotel. He didn’t even go out to have lunch. When I told him I was hungry and suggested let’s go have lunch, he whines that I don’t understand him.
He argues that I’m not being flexible with him, but I came here to sight see and all he wants to do now is be on his phone in bed. I also work remotely, so some days during the “vacation” I’ve been working and today is 1 of my free full days. I’ve been out without him to get food and coffee today, and reflecting about our past vacations. He has done this same stint towards the end of every single vacation we’ve had (Mexico, France, and Spain). So should I just suggest that I vacation solo from now on? It doesn’t become enjoyable anymore with the same repetitive cycle.
EDIT: just a note that I was the one who paid for the vacation.
43 comments
If that’s what it takes to make you happy go solo ! Reflection is a good thing, and maybe your husband should try to do it also! Hoping things get better ❤️🩹
Either agree to do your separate things or go to travel solo! There’s no point in focing a vacation together if you are both miserable – you because you don’t get to sightsee all you want, him because he feels pressured to do things he’s not interested. Compromise is always required when traveling together, but it sounds like your preferences are just not maching at all. There’s nothing wrong with traveling alone, even when married! (As long as consensual arrangements are made regarding pets, kids, etc of course).
If your vacation styles and interests are different then have different vacations.
It’s just going to continue to upset you both if you have the same issues every time.
You guys need to either take turns planning vacations or you need to split the vacation into two halfs.
My wife prefers off the beaten track vacations where we’re constantly on the move seeing things, vs as I’ve gotten older I prefer more relaxing holidays.
We spilt it in two now, 5-6 days of doing everything she wants to do and then 5-6 days at a more resort type location.
Separate vacations. If you enjoy sightseeing, go solo or with a friend. It’s costly to vacation and just spend time in the room, and rooms are much the same in any country or at home. Or, he can stay in the room and you can do what you want. Or, if it’s only at the end of the vacation…take shorter vacations.
Travel solo or with friends. You will have fun.
Although for me it will be a dealbreaker, I can’t be with non traveller
You should go on a girl’s vacation trip with some friends or family, leave the man home
If you are paying I will go with you.
Go by yourself from now on!!
I fully get that lots of people have differing vacation styles but is moping around & complaining a vacation style?? It doesnt matter that sightseeing isn’t his vibe he shouldn’t be complaining all day that he wants to play video games like a sullen teenager! Be a grown up about it and don’t just spend all day whining.
I wouldn’t even want to be with someone who complains like that on a vacation he didn’t even pay for. It’s not constructive at all.
You’re husband is what I think of as a “joy-sucking man-baby”.
They sulk and pout if they can’t play their games whenever they want.
You deserve a grown up who wants to see the world and not spend their life in front of a screen just playing games.
Your husband would rather play video games than go on vacation. Is he addicted to them? Either way, he doesn’t want to be there so from now on leave him at home.
My partner doesn’t like to travel so I travel with friends. There is never an issue. I pay for my trips out of my personal funds, and if he wants to go somewhere solo, that’s fine with me. It’s definitely a solution that can work well.
Even if this isn’t his thing, he shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum so he can suck out your joy and ruin your time.
I would just start doing the things you want and leave him behind. And for the future, don’t bring him along at all. That is if you even want to be with someone who doesn’t actively try to kill your joy.
A respectful partner would compromise or find ways to make sure you both are having a good time instead of whining like a pre-teen who got their video games taken away.
Start leaving his ass at home and enjoy your vacation or ask a friend to accompany you. I don’t want to make a judgment about your husband based on a single post but if this behavior runs into other parts of your marriage than you may need to consider whether or not this is someone you will truly be happy with in the future. I feel like vacations are supposed to be a catalyst to building memories and deepening a bond. Who wouldn’t want to create happy memories with the love of their life?? It just baffles me how a video game takes priority over a literal vacation (just want to add that I feel like playing video games is okay BUT when it’s excessive and creates issues that’s when it’s a problem) that I’m sure was not cheap especially in this day and age if you can afford to go. A serious conversation needs to be had.
NTA – I would either go on vacations by myself, or take a family member or close friend who you know would enjoy vacations with you.
Go on your own in future. If he’s always done this then he’s never going to change so why get into this same pattern every holiday?
Vacation alone or with friends, also he seems immature.
Did he want to go on this vacation or are you dragging him to places he doesn’t want to go then complaining that he isn’t happy about it? If he’s really engaged with the planning and looking forward to it then pouts the whole time, that’s a him problem. If you know he isn’t interested but push anyway, that’s a you problem.
Some people do not like to abandon their routines; it isn’t relaxing for them. Yes, go solo in the future.
I have a dear friend that likes to do things I like to do so she often comes on vacation with us. Hubby likes to sleep in and stay at the hotel. So she and I go exploring together and tell him about our adventures at dinner. She pays her own way. It works for us.
I think taking some vacation with just your friends or family could help your relationship. Then whenever you do go somewhere with your husband, just be prepared to compromise…some relaxed days and some busy days. Honestly, this guy sounds a bit like my ex. He had such means to travel the world but he lacked interest in really getting to know a place or experiencing it. He was a killjoy on vacation but then I realized he was actually a killjoy at home, too. Hope that’s not the case for you or I’d be rethinking this whole thing.
My husband likes hiking and mountaineering. I like sightseeing and room service. We vacation separately with friends and family and together we usually do a staycation twice a year.
If everything else is fine, OP, I’d suggest you vacation solo or with a friend/family member with like interests. No point feeling horrid on every vacation!
I don’t understand how it took 4 times of him behaving like this to make you reconsider. Does he agree in advance to go on vacation? Does he participate in the planning and have actual ideas on what he wants to do?
It sounds like you like sight seeing and he doesn’t. He said he was bored and there was nothing to do but sight see- which it’s clear he dislikes. That’s the whole point of the vacation for *you*. You like sight seeing.
It sounds like you both want and expect different things from a vacation. He’s right- you’re not understanding him. To him there is no point.
Are you typically the one planning the vacations? Do you switch off planning things, or ask for input on what vacations sound fun?
My husband and I have different ideas as well. He’s a “relax by the pool” type and I’m a “fast paced do everything” type. So we work together to design vacations with things for both of us to be happy. I’d be a little miffed if my partner planned a vacation solely around a thing I don’t enjoy.
That being said, he’s going about it in a childish manner instead of actually communicating with you about what would make these trips more enjoyable for him.
Eh, some people don’t have an interest in travel. It’s ok, just means it’s something you can’t really share with him.
He has nothing to do in Istanbul????
Amazing, vibrant city.
The food there is amazing. So much to do.
You can still vacation together. Just change the expectations. When he wants to stay in the hotel. Go solo sightseeing on those days
Me & my husband take solo vacations. I love to go visit a million things and walk,him not as much as I do. I don’t mind using bus,tram or subway..he prefers rentals.
We only go together in short holidays…2-3days. Everyone is happy 👻.
My parents have different ideas of fun. While they do take family trips together, my Mom goes on girls trips with her friends and me/my sister all the time- lots of sun and drinking. Lol And my Dad does his solo trips of long road trips and visiting historical landmarks.
Because they acknowledged this 25 years ago they have had a lot more fun, sharing their highlights together when they get back and enjoying the trips they do take together with a lot less pressure.
I’m not saying this solution works for everyone. I am saying if it would genuinely make you happy, don’t be afraid to let what’s “normal” stand in your way. Create rules that work for your relationship.
Go sightseeing without him then. Tf you complaining for? Lol
Maybe take shorter vacations?
This is bs just go on the vacation by yourself and tell him to stay home
Leave him at home from now on, take a friend if you don’t want to go alone
Leave him in the hotel? My wife doesn’t like to explore as much as I do when traveling and that’s perfectly fine, ill go without her and she will read a book by the pool or do whatever she wants to do, we don’t have to do everything together to enjoy ourselves.
Travel solo or bring a good friend. It’s not fair for you to shell out all that money for him to sit in the hotel and whine about playing video games. He’s done this before so it won’t change. You’ll have more fun without him.
You’re clearly not holiday compatible. Just travel separately. Otherwise you’re both just growing resentment from eachnother
It sounds like he doesn’t care for vacations but you keep dragging him along anyway just so you’ll have company. Why not go with a friend or family member that will enjoy the things you want to do as much as you do?
You and your hubby may not be “vacation compatible”. What conversations do you have leading up to vacations? Is he part of the planning so he can have a say in where you go and what you do? Or is it a situation where he “lets” you do all the planning, then whines and moans about it the whole time? If the latter, just go solo next time.
How are things between you when you are not vacationing? Is the relationship otherwise good?
If its not a 5 star resort on an island with transparent blue sea where you just lay the fuck down on a beach , drink and eat buffet with an end of day show its not a vacation , its work.
INFO
Did you marry a teenager?
Seriously now what’s you relationship like at home normal day to day life???
If he does this every time & you’re ok with him otherwise, then go alone and stop trying to force him to like what you like.
Maybe he isn’t a sight-seeing type of vacationer? I mean the whining sounds annoying AF lol, but there are a lot of people who equate “vacation” with basically just relaxing, sitting in the sun, drinking cocktails, or even just staying in the hotel and having sex. Perhaps you two could have a conversation about what vacation means for each of you, and figure out how you can incorporate both of your needs into your next one.
Why the fuck are you with this person