This morning, I (24M) was feeling a bit touchy-feely. My gf (21F) has a bit of a lower sex drive, so I gradually began initiating with lots of gentle caressing and kissing along her body.
I always like to make sure she’s satisfied, and usually will avoid orgasm myself until she has orgasmed. We get to the act, and about 1-1.5 hours later, she goes over the edge. Not long after, so do I.
Immediately, she jumped up, and was complaining of severe back pain. I got her to lay down flat on her stomach, relax her body, and tried to massage it out for her. She refused. She then got up, and went to the washroom to clear off her makeup.
At this point, I was feeling quite excited and happy that she had orgasmed, despite the duration that it took. I approached her in the washroom, kissed her on the shoulder, grinned, and commented “You’re quite hard to make cum lately.”
Oops.
She immediately pulled away from me, and asked “What’s that supposed to mean?” As I began to explain that it made me excited and making her cum when it requires more effort is rewarding, she began to have a breakdown telling me that she can’t control it, that we’re never having sex again, that I will never see an orgasm from her again. In a pool of tears, she left claiming she will never have peace as long as she’s with me, and that she intends to spend next weekend alone.
Pretty obvious that my wording was quite crude and unrefined. She storms out quite often and during these breakdowns, she will always claim she can’t have peace with mr, or that she can’t be with me, before going back to “I love you and you’re my everything.” It’s mentally exhausting.
What can I say/do to make her feel better?
28 comments
Wow dude, you may as well told her you’re doing her sister too. You have an hour of sex, she hurts her back, and you sat THAT?
Pretty obvious, you guys are mismatch sexually. At this point, I would question my role in the relationship.
Might have as well told her to hurry the fuck up 😏
Man to man, you need to wrap your head around reframing what sex should be like. It shouldn’t always or really ever *be about* making the other person cum, or orgasm, and that shouldn’t be the goal, especially with the woman.
You’re probably putting alot of pressure on her to do so, and that is causing her alot of anxiety. Sometimes sex should be about the journey, and the intimacy of sex. Feeling everything wonderful that isn’t orgasmic. That’s what makes *good* sex.
This is probably going to suck to hear but I’m gathering that she probably doesn’t enjoy the pressure to orgasm.
Start with a genuine apology and ask her what she is feeling. Don’t get defensive, and do everything in your soul to put yourself in her shoes and understand her perspective on everything she is telling you.
It sounds exhausting. I don’t know that you can make her feel better. Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult.
Wow dude lol. No wonder she left. Maybe her reaction was wrong, but so was your stupid comment.
Am I reading this right that y’all are doing P in V penetration for 1-1.5 hours after the foreplay? Because if so that’s insane. I can’t imagine that being comfortable for her, much less going to get her an orgasm. Women frequently have a harder time or can’t cum from penetration alone.
This attitude of “the sex doesn’t stop until both cum” sounds exhausting to deal with and could explain why she’s feeling so pestered by you. Orgasm should be a fun extra, not the required endpoint.
Jesus dude.
If my partner and I spent *an hour and a half* having sex, and then said that to me, I genuinely don’t think I’d be comfortable having sex with him for a long time. My advice to you is give her space, you don’t seem to have any idea how hurtful that comment is. It’s not just crude, it’s not just a slip up.
Stop putting so much pressure on her having an orgasm and maybe it wouldn’t take an hour and a half to achieve. My god.
Telling that to your girl friend is very rude. If she is having a hard time Cumming she already knows it, your added pressure does nothing to help.my s/o said I’m the only womens he’s ever had a hard timing making cum, (it takes me about 20 minutes) and it bothers me every time to where I don’t want to cum when we have sex because I’m anxious that he will say something again about it taking a little. You should apologize to her, be thankful she’s opening up her self enough to even cum at all.
Wait, you have sex for 1-1.5 hours?! It’s up to you of course, but it sounds like an overkill. It’s possible to make a girl reach an orgasm in like 10 minutes
This whole thing reads as though someone who has never actually had sex before wrote it.
Imagine taking the time to write this incredibly false, long ass story for reddit clout….super lame
Oh buddy….. she’s faking it to make you finish so she can be done. No woman likes vaginal penetration for an hour and a half straight. That actually sounds like a literal nightmare.
😂the fact you don’t see your the problem is hilarious. You really need to reflect on if your actually good at sex because having pv sex means your not that great…like at all
It’s hard for a lot of women to orgasm during P-in-V sex but 1 hour – 1.5 hrs of sex with no orgasm is crazy maybe you just suck, dude
In my experience, if the end goal is to make a woman cum (which takes time and effort) it creates a lot of pressure for her to perform in one way or another or just fake it altogether. I think the best approach is to appreciate sex for its intimacy and vulnerability and if she seems very eager to want to finish, then let that also be a focus. If not, enjoy the moments that aren’t just orgasms
I might be wrong but I feel like this has a lot more to do than just sex. Sounds like you guys have some issues in the relationship that you need to work on.
Does anybody else get the feeling this whole post is OP trying to flex
If you see sex as a race to get off, your girlfriend is deeply unsatisfied and may be faking orgasms so you’ll stop. Maybe in very special circumstances can someone stay lubricated for an hour of PIV but that would be rare. That sounds like torture and days of swelling to me.
Orgasms, especially for women, are partly related to their headspace. You’ve put pressure on her and so instead of enjoying what you are doing (which sounds potentially like a paint by numbers, I do this then this then this and you better get off from it style), she’s anxious and fixated on trying to orgasm.
The back and forth with the pulling away and then coming back emotionally isn’t healthy either and you all should talk about that too. But stop with the race to get off and stop putting pressure on her to finish.
Gee I wonder why she’d be offended you adding more pressure when she’s already faking cumming 4x after 1.5 hours of sex. Jesus.
Boy, are you trying to start a fire. 1hr to 1.5 is way too long.
Edit. Introduce toys and realize most women need clit stimulation.
I highly doubt you actually know how to make her cum. You sound like her orgasm is your prize and like she might tell you what she likes but you do something different instead lol she likely lied to make you cum finally… so it could stop.
She’s self conscious about how long it
takes, I’ve had the same issue in the past and it makes you feel like a burden on your partner.
I’m faking an orgasm right now to get out of the comments section
Oh, you absolute ¤%&/¤%&/!! She will NEVER forget that comment. It’s gonna be in the back of her mind every time you have sex onwards, and it’s gonna make it so much harder for her to come.
You know why it would take that long for me to cum? Because I don’t actually want sex OR someone sucks at it and isn’t paying attention. Pick your path dude, cos it sounds like you might be ignorant to what she actually wants and then blamed her for it.
I feel as if OP has never touched boobies before and this is delusions of grandeur …..just my personal opinion.
Yeah shouldn’t take an hour and a half of piv she probably faked it cuz she was annoyed and didn’t want a backrub cuz she was annoyed and then you said that which made her upset cuz she had to fake it after an hour and a half Lol that much of piv is so uncomfortable usually