How to be comfortable with not having friends

12 comments

1. Instead of getting comfortable with it, why not see if you can make some improvements that might help you connect better with people?

   Here’s a place to start:

   ###[Do YOU Have Good Friendship Traits?](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPRForYourSocialLife/comments/13jp5gv/pick_me_do_you_have_good_friendship_traits/)

2. I’m really sorry to hear you’re having trouble with this, you seem like a good person.

   The question is: do you want friends? Or do you want to be comfortable not having them? If it’s the former, there’s a few things you can do to meet people – I can’t guarantee they’ll become friends (sometimes it can be very hard transitioning from polite/nice chats into actual friendship). If it’s the latter, as your post title says, that requires a mental shift in you, from being upset about not having friends to not being bothered by it. There isn’t really any easy advice to give for that, it’s entirely up to how you feel.

   I will say that there are plenty of things to do in life that don’t require friends, so you can fill up your time by focusing on those and finding enjoyment with them, including things like work, study, travel, hobbies, etc. I’ve never been a party person so I usually have not been upset about not being invited to many since HS, if I do get the urge to socialise it’s generally in smaller, quieter settings (which even then I rarely do because I’m very shy and a homebody for the most part).

3. I’m 35 with none but I had em during childhood I met my best friends when I was 9 and the others at 13. We hung out every day untill my mid 20s and that’s when addiction changed everything having close friends and then all of a sudden not is worse then never having any at all.

4. Don’t worry too much about coming parties, that will put in you in an even worse headspace.
   There will be a lot more parties, you are only 21. Don’t let this put you down, use it as fuel to propel you to become the person you want to be.

   If you don’t mind sharing, have you realized what kind of things could you improve to become more social?

5. The best way to go about this? Get hobbies you enjoy. Then invite people to that. If they come, great! If they don’t, you’re enjoying yourself anyway. AND you have a chance to make friends already interested in your hobby. AND AND you arent desperate if you dont NEED them to come to have a good time.

6. Figure out how to be your own best friend. Nobody can be a greater best friend than yourself.

7. One thing I heard recently has really changed my approach to relationships of all kinds.

   In the statement “I have no friends” you are framing your relationship to your past. Implied in it is “why has no one become my friend?” Not exactly blaming others, but certainly framing your situation in terms of your unmet needs instead of your power and potential. Nothing wrong with that — feel what you gotta feel — but there is a better way.

   The better way is to flip the statement around. Instead of being the “I” in “I have no friends” you can be the “friend.” Instead of approaching your relationships in terms of what *you need* approach them from what others need. Who in your life, job, community *really needs a friend?* You can go be the friend to that person!

   This only works if you go in with no expectations. I.e., not expecting people to immediately “friend” you back. You can put out the energy of *friendship* because you want to.

   The best part of this approach is that it reframes the problem into something *you can control.* You cannot, ever, force someone to be your friend. But you CAN control whether you are being a good friend to others. So make that your goal, and you will find you can succeed in it! This is rewarding in and of itself. But as a bonus, you will probably make some friends.

8. i have one real friend whos not even in the same state but…….lately i tried to be better friends with this women i know and it just didnt really work out

   and then i come to the understanding lately i really dont want to “get to know people” all that well. everytime i do it leads to drama. sometimes keeping a bit of a distance isnt a terrible thing

   its not that you cant have friends its just for me i am trying to be a bit more wise to WHO I invest that time into . or else it can just lead to drama and misunderstandings lol. SHE ended up going too fast into it too and then just ends up blaming me in the end and ghosting me ever after I apologize for my part. no thanks then…….time to move on! i felt like shi*T for a while but i honestly realized eh not worth the fuss lol

9. Please don’t feel embarrassed about it. It is their loss, not yours.

   I can relate to you about lacking friends. Throughout school and college, I didn’t fit in with any group. I was always the outsider.

   To this day, I am still the outsider. My co-workers hang out with each other. They don’t know anything about me. If my name tag were not on the door to my office, they would not know my name.

10. You’re only 24 there’s time yet, I don’t have a solution but please try and fix it sooner rather than later

    I’m in my early 30s, no friends for 11 years, and even back then it was never true friendship. Now I’m getting older and I work for myself so no workmates and we won’t be having children so it’s even more alienating. God knows how I’ll ever be normally socially again.

    Point is don’t leave it for years and self isolate like I did, the longer you leave it the worse it gets. Good luck

11. I am sorry. I don;t have any friends. I play a lot of games. Listen to a lot of podcasts. Try not to think that you don;t have friends. Try not to think that you don;t have a girlfriend which sucks because it doesnt really help. There isnt really good advice. When you dont want something then it seems to happen. Im sorry.

12. I’m comfortable not having friends because some of them made me feel like it was a matter of time before I let them down and I did. Others told me, “Look you’re not a bad guy, but we’re not tight like that.” The best-case scenarios were the friends that saw me and said, “Who the hell is this guy?” I proceeded to tell them that we met eight times and briefly recounted the times we hung out. Then they said, “Oh yeah, I know. What’s up, man?”

    ​

    >All my friends are invited for parties at Halloween and are even takling about new years, while I don’t have any plans and I am starting to feel desperate to try to fix something so I don’t end up alone.

    Oh, don’t get me started on this. Do you remember during 2020 when, if done carefully, socializing could be done through quarantine pods? I had a circle of friends that I thought were alone together through FaceTime and Zoom. But not only were they hanging out with each other, they were actually having sex parties! One of the friends had a house near a walking trail. I could hear them skinny dipping, splashing, kind of doing foreplay, in and around his backyard pool when taking late night walks when I too sad to sleep. When quarantine was lifted, I called a couple of them on why they didn’t tell me. They said, “We didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

    >I am a 24 year old girl and I find this so hard and emberassing! I feel like people understand that I have few friends

    It’s not embarrassing and I don’t look down on you for feeling this way. I wish I had happier news, but I do want you to know that you are not alone in this pain.