My gf (27F) and I (29M) have never discussed this. And I’m wondering if other couples have discussed and set ground rules. Were these discussions helpful? Awkward?

edit: might be helpful to state your gender as opinions seem to trend differently based on that

45 comments

  1. I think it’s important to set boundaries so there are no suprises or misunderstandings. I’d especially discuss whether you can communicate with other people or not.

  2. I think pretty much everyone does. There’s obviously a line somewhere. Some people’s masturbation material would land them in jail…

  3. I feel like those discussions are needed. For some people there’s no difference between watching porn, and watching and chatting to a cam girl, but if I found out my SO was doing the latter I’d be pretty upset, but have no issue with porn. It’s completely subjective, and you need to agree boundaries with your partner.

  5. Set rules and boundaries for personal masterbation? No I don’t control his personal time, he’s entitled to it. That’s insane to me. I’m suppose to police the way my spouse explores himself? Is this why there is so much divorce? Insanity. No I do not care, he’s his own person I don’t own him.

  7. I personally don’t care much aside from if someone is looking at too young humans. If their porn of choice would get them arrested I’d rather not be their SO.

    Other than that pretty much all avenues are fine. I’m also extremely nonmonogamous so I dont care if a partner supports a sex worker while they get off either via a cam site or subscription. As long as they’re honest about what they’re doing and they aren’t being a certified creep, have at it

  8. I’m not sure knowing the exact details would help but if there’s something either of you aren’t comfortable with the other looking at then it definitely needs to be discussed.

    Like one post mentioned that his gf was ok with him looking at porn but not OF because it was more personal, and he would be able to connect them and talk to them directly. So it’s all in what each of you is comfortable with and finding a middle ground that works.

  9. My wife knows that I need to rub one out now and then. She’s ok with me using porn as long as it doesn’t affect our sex life. All good here.

  10. I don’t care what my partner looks at when they masturbate.

    At various points in our relationship, we’ve looked at amateur porn (both on aggregator sites like PornHub/etc. and reddit), purchased porn, and paid for a month of a creator’s OnlyFans. Sometimes we shared it, sometimes it was only consumed by one of us.

    There are other ways that our sexual intimacy needs continual work and healing, but there is no shame or secrecy between us in terms of porn/masturbation.

  13. No. What they jack it to is none of my business or concern because it has nothing to do with me.

  14. No. Its none of my business, they are a free agent. As long as its not illegal, and not harming anyone, who cares?

  17. My wife leaves the lube in the wc for me to know she’s was having fun and I love that 😏😏

  18. so long as it’s not illegal, paid for, and affects our sex life, then I have no interest in policing it. If I ask, it’s coming from a place of genuine kinky curiosity now and then.

    i had an ex partner of mine send me videos he’d watch when we were apart, and I’d watch and enjoy later. that was a lot of fun.

    but i’ve had partners tell me they condemned pornography, make me feel like I shouldn’t masturbate and have orgasms without them, only to find they were spending thousands of dollars of OF models behind my back.

    so because masturbation is so private and prevalent, i’ll never know anymore if someone is being completely transparent, even though if i bring the topic up in a fun and lightheartedly vulnerable way, they may not perceive it like that and will tell me what they think i want to hear.

    so i just don’t really ask anymore, keeping to the rules i first stated if I happen to stumble on something.

  19. My girlfriends in the past all knew I watched porn and jacked off
    As long as kept them happy ,no problems !

  20. So long as it isn’t someone they have a personal connection with, irl or through something like only fans.

  22. I used too care when I was insecure. Now I don’t care. I watch porn when I do it sometimes. He will either watch my/our videos or blow jobs. I think it’s healthy as long as it’s not obsessive.(porn watching) I know that I excite him more than porn. So doesn’t bother me.

  23. Do you have reason to believe that your girlfriend would be bothered by the stuff you look at when they masturbate? If so, you should probably talk about it.

  24. I’m 25F, been with my boyfriend 29M, for 5 years. I just recently discovered by accident that he looks at only fans content that is posted on Reddit. I never thought what he watched would bother me before I found out it was more than just random pornhub videos. To me OF seems more personal/intimate even if it’s just leaked pics here on Reddit. The fact that it’s more “normal/everyday” or more attainable women on OF vs pornstars who are seen unattainable like actors/actresses in movies/hollywood is what I think bothers me. We’ve never discussed this boundary so there’s no way for him to know it bothers me but it does bother me and I’m kinda too shy to bring it up since I only found out he looks at OF girls by accident. I also don’t feel comfortable telling him because I don’t want to police what he does in his alone intimate times. So whatever I’ll live I guess.

  25. I don’t care as long as it’s not someone he/we know. I feel like that’s crossing a line.

    Or someone he’s chatting with online. That brings it into too much real interaction and not just some random photo/video he’s looking at with someone he’s never going to encounter in real life.

  26. No, he can pay for porn services he wants, watch whatever he wants and can ultimately fantasize about whatever he wants and vise-versa as long as it’s legal and respectful (like respecting the sex workers.) We have boundaries on strip clubs and amount of money spent as well as boundaries for my work. But at the end of it we both agree that our alone time is for ourselves and if at any point we have concerns or questions that we will bring it up. It may be an awkward conversation at first, but it’s definitely a helpful one.

  27. She was concerned about me going to pages like pornhub or xvideos.

    But I’m more into reading stuff now, so it doesn’t bother her

  28. I cannot for the life of me understand people’s fixation with their partners masturbation habits. As long as their masturbation habits don’t directly impact your sex life, I don’t see why it’s any of your business.

    Edit: 46M married to a 54F, together for 20+ years

  29. My wife (68f) and I (65m) believe that it’s none of either of our business. She rarely masturbates, basically only if we’re apart for a week or more. I masturbate almost every day, not to orgasm, just edging. We have sex about every 4 days so that’s when we both cum.

    I look at a lot of porn online, mostly still images. Never cam girls or OnlyFans, I feel that would be too personal a connection. Viewing porn satisfies my desire for sexual variety in a safe way. She knows all about it, and is fine with it. She always says, “Just because you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu.” I’ve made it very clear to her that she’s the only woman I want irl.

  30. I think that if you do care then you need to have that discussion and set some boundaries. Some people don’t care.

  31. I might sound crazy but I don’t want my so watching porn because to me it feels like he’s looking at other women sexually and getting off to them. I feel like he’s going to compare me to them or something. Just the thought that my partner would have to look at other women to get off makes me feel angry and u feel like it’s a respect thing. Idk why it’s so normalized for people to get off to other people when they have a partner like isn’t that what they’re for? I don’t want my bf looking at other girls and wacking off regardless if he knows them. Anyone else feel like this ?

  32. My wife doesn’t masturbate. If she did, I don’t need to know what she looks at provided the following is true:

    1) It is strictly fantasy, and stay firmly in fantasyland.

    2) Whatever she is looking at isn’t changing the way she feels about me, or making her want to have sex with me less.

    Early on in our relationship, I asked my wife if she cared that I watch porn sometimes. She basically told me what I said above.

  33. I do not give a flying fudge what he looks at while he has a date with Rosie Palm and he doesnt care what I watch.

    If anything it’s quite fun sometimes to share some of the cringe videos we have found

  36. i do somewhat…personally, i try not to watch porn because i know how it would affect me if i knew that he did. he has shown me what he likes in the past and it’s not really my cup of tea. tbh i’m not sure if he watches that porn anymore but i honestly don’t really wanna know. i’m fine without knowing

  37. Me (M) and my ex (F) were very open about our porn and masturbation habits. We didn’t want/need to share every thing, we just weren’t shy about talking about it. I was always interested in the porn she looked at while she very seldom asked for details about mine. When we would watch porn together as part of foreplay, I always let her pick what to watch because I didn’t have any interest in porn when I could be intimate with her instead, and because she had sexual fantasies that she was enthusiastic to share with me.

  40. We’ve talked about what porn we watch and what we fantasize to. Both of us are pretty consistent with what we like. Mine definitely tends to be more kinky/dirty than his.

  41. I’d be against any rules about that, that’s basically policing someone else’s thoughts. Masturbation is personal, and belongs to the person doing it. Unless it’s something you’re doing together, but that’s different.

  43. I never cared in previous relationships, but in those relationships I always felt like the person was attracted to me. Now that I have been with someone for a long time who I don’t feel is attracted to me, it bothers me that he would have thoughts of anyone else. I would like him to have sex with me, not with himself or a fantasy. I know from what I’ve read elsewhere and in this post that I’m wrong for what I feel, but I don’t know how to get over it.

  44. As long as it’s not something obviously bad I don’t care. I mean, I’d care if he was looking at pictures of his ex or my Mom or something lol. But within reason it’s not for me to police. (Female)

  45. Personally I (29F) already feel so judged by my husband (35M) that I can’t even get into a headspace to have sex with him. If he were to then add judgment of masturbation, it would probably reinforce our incompatibility and make it even harder for me to ever consider having sex with him again. I don’t owe him every last thought I have. His judgment is already loud enough without me sharing that.

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